Talk Thursday - Wide Open Spaces

I toyed with this topic - I love Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chicks. When it came out it so reminded me of me as a young willful kid - "I know how to do it better than you." Of course, that is so not true, yet in a way it is.

Today I got tickets to see that jazz great (and Boise/Capitol High native) Curtis Stigers. I'm going with friend Shawn since The Husband will be out of town - getting to join him for a couple of days in Reno later in the week, yay!

I posted a while back the boys and I got to sit by Curtis at Gernika and I ogled him (subtly) because he is a) gorgeous and b) talented.

Just so you have a frame of reference, really the first time I really saw much of Curtis, he looked like this:



The last time I saw Curtis, (I've seen him sing a couple of times in the interim) he looked like this:



It's interesting how this mirrors "Wide Open Spaces" - you start out this kid who knows it all, and you end up 25 years later this wiser, happier person who STILL, STILL, sings the same tune. In a way. And you can still look really good - even with gray hair.

Really looking forward to seeing him Monday.

PAID IN FULL

As of yesterday....I have experienced an epic event. I PAID MY LAST CHILD SUPPORT CHECK. EVER. EVER. EVER.

Well, let me restate that. I have paid the last dime I have to pay that benefits someone other than my child more than my child himself. Let me clarify a bit. Actually, since January I have been paying Big Bit directly, as I had stated my preference to do so starting with his birthday and EHFH actually said (via Big Bit, of course) that it was fine to start early. So, this year hasn't been too bad.

However, it was a really weird feeling to mail that check yesterday. I am not glad Big Bit is grown up, mind you. (at least not all the time, most of the time I'd like him to be 7 again, and his brother a newborn - they were so stinking cute and one didn't talk back and the other couldn't!) Whether a child lives with you full time or not, that sensation of leaving the nest is one that I think is universal. It's an odd feeling to know he's in charge of his decisions and consequences and as of mid-June, whether he goes to school any further or not.

Also, I do not dispute the obligation of a "non-custodial" (term makes me laugh, 'cause kids, there's been a whole lot of "custodial" duties I've continued to perform through the years, from dental visits, to braces, to immunizations, to haircuts - all fun for me, actually) parent to pay money to the other in order to benefit the child. My beef was more around the fact I far rather would have put it into a college fund, which would be approximately twice the size of the check that Big Bit's other parent has given to him for college. And yes, he could afford to do without the money. As did I - when Big Bit lived with us in Utah, every cent I received went straight to his college fund. He was amazed at how much I'd actually accumulated from that time alone.

It's a really liberating feeling to know that from now on, ANYTHING I do for Big Bit financially is because I want to, because we've discussed it, and because it makes perfect sense (hopefully, anyway). I think I feel a little at loose ends. Odd.

Money, and Big Bit, have been the things that have tied me to EHFH for 16 years longer than I wished to be. I know I wasn't going to write about him anymore, but this is really about me. And how all shackles are off now. All I HAVE to do is enjoy and continue to have a relationship with my beloved firstborn. I feel like I'm 27 again. Anything's possible.

I leave you with this thought. He Thinks He'll Keep Her, indeed.

Good Times

Friend Allen sent this picture. I had forgotten that I was this thin (though I ever was before Little Bit entered my life) or that TH was this non-gray.

Diggin' the 90's hair here, and my Eagles "Hell Freezes Over" T-Shirt. First event TH and I attended as newlyweds. They were awesome, even at the (then) totally exorbitant rate of $75 per ticket. My favorite Eagles songs are probably a tie between "Get Over It" (a song for the EHFH "I'd like to find your inner child and kick its little ass") and "Hotel California" - after you've lived in Utah, it becomes all the more meaningful.

Good times.

This weekend we're heading for Seattle for TH's corporate function and to see my two remaining pregnant cousins (and their spouses) as well as Prince Thomas Wayne and his sleep deprived parents, Steve Magnum, Kelli, Dakota, Daniel, Bryn and then stay with our good friends the Hydes. Little Bit and his friend K Hyde (as opposed to K Jeckyll) are already planning the Irish Marauding Party of 2009 complete with "wi-fi" on the Nintendo DS and lots of root beer. Crazy kids. Photos to come of all this, no doubt.

Have a great weekend!

Some True Mavericks

I'm just sayin'....

I love these guys. I bought the CD this song is on many moons ago during a difficult time. It means a lot to this day.

Happy Friday! Flying to Utah tomorrow to retrieve my life (and, most importantly, The Husband). The Bits are at a) Big Bit's Dad's and b) Grandma's house in order of age. They are most important too and will be retrieved as well, in their various respects, and quite soon.

Fond Memory and a Good Song

This has not been the best week ever - Sybil is going down in full roar so work has been a blast - and Big Bit has decided that protecting his Mom from the EHFH is very important...and he's afraid of standing his ground and handling conflict. So back to Nevada he goes. A backbone is the one thing I've apparently deprived him of whether through living conditions or genetics (I doubt the latter) - but it is what it is and he does seem to be genuinely reveling in the real family life we have as he always has. I figured out a long time ago being afraid of the EHFH is the biggest mistake you can make. I hope he does too.

As if to counteract these lovely thoughts, at least minimally, I happened across this video. I did not have an idea it existed, but as you see the "cameraman" pan through, the middle two of the six heads you see are The Husband and myself. Shot at the Nugget in Sparks, Nevada in April. So I'm on YouTube, thankfully it's anonymous but I about died when I saw the back of my head. Funny how life is.

I also added lyrics from one of my favorite Gin Blossoms songs below, the music makes the song, it's hauntingly beautiful - it's how I feel this week. Thank God we're going to Boise for Weekend at Willie's - hope to see family along the way that aren't involved in the two weddings we have to attend....




Not Only Numb - from Congratulations I'm Sorry

Looking all around the room I see the clutter in the gloom
I’m not only back, I’m not only numb
Changing shades within the evening
In a day then I’ll be leaving
I’m not only back, I’m not only numb
When the air at home is thin
Getting out then looking in
Yeah she knows, she knows, she knows
It ain’t awful hard to tell
What it’s like, my little hell
Yeah she knows, she knows, she knows
I’m now familiar with the tone I hear in bed when I’m alone
I’m not only back, I’m not only numb
In the shade below the eaves
Think I could chain smoke anything
I’m not only back, I’m not only numb
When the air at home is thin
Getting out, then looking in
Yeah she knows, she knows, she knows
It ain’t awful hard to tell
What it’s like, my little hell
Yeah she knows, she knows, she knows
She knows, she knows, she knows
She sees all the cars around the parking lots of bars we’ve played and stayed
Started laughing, looking down upon the bed that we’ve made
We’ve made, we’ve made, we’ve made
She sees all the cars around the parking lots of bars we’ve played and stayed
Started laughing, looking falling down across the bed that we’ve made
We’ve made, we’ve made, we’ve made
The air at home is thin
When getting out, then looking in
I’m not only back, I’m not only numb
Changing shades within the evening
In a day, then I’ll be leaving
I’m not only back, I’m not only numb...

Back In The Day

Back in the day, when I met The Husband, this was our song, well it still is, really. I saw Love Actually last night (starring Hugh Grant and featuring a parody of this song by Bill Nighy - I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THAT MOVIE), which led me to thinking about Four Weddings and a Funeral (starring Hugh Grant, see a theme here, but of course?) and remembering this song.

So, here's some cheesy '60s music converted to some cheesy 90's music - and I LOVE IT. Can't wait to get to London and pretend I'm in the movies.