Right after 9/11, TH and I were fortunate enough to go to Sun Valley, thanks to Jenny the old boss and her free tix to see James Taylor. The world at that time seemed quite upset and wrong, as everyone knows. He made us feel so, so much calmer and optimistic. This video is earlier, but quite representative of the reaction he got in Idaho. His daughter, Sally, played with him. I remember him saying, "It's so important we keep on going, though right now it's so hard." Those words have resonated with me, over and over, to this day.

James, I need you to come play a concert in my backyard. Just sayin'. Please?

One of the best times in my life, that concert was, even in the face of such tragedy in our country. Always remember.

'Nuff Said

Note: I had a Paul Thorn video posted here because I was feeling sorry for myself. It's a song called "I Have a Good Day Every Now and Then". I went back to make a note to say I was okay, just having an incredibly horrible day. Somehow I deleted the video. Sigh.

I plan on blogging this weekend about the last month, which really has had lots of high points. Now if I only knew how to deal with the mundane.

Lost in Idaho

Yes, you used to call me lostinutah, but these days I seem to be lostinidaho. Not in the same sense, but I know I've been remiss in trying to write anything whatsoever or comment on others blogs. Though I see some other people are having the same problem. :)

What has been going on? I don't know that it's anything specific...a tad bit of laziness, no doubt, but also just life being life and me ending up watching David Letterman, seeing the Top 10 list and realizing I'm going to be just as tired in the morning as I was the morning of the current day.

The job has been...the job. I've had a couple of nasty surprises in the last week that don't threaten my employment but do seem to confirm that it will lack the thing I like about my field - creativity. Not that I've been allowed to have much anyway, but what I did have is slowly being eliminated by our Corporate structure. (Not at me, mind you, just generally.) I have applied internally for a job that I think I would love, that is a stretch opportunity but one I had some exposure to in Utah. The person I would work for I think I would truly love to be around - she and I have bonded over our children are both going to that fine institution next year I've mentioned previously. We'll see - the recruiter for the job (same guy that was my recruiter for this job) seems to think I'll get an interview at least but the wheels of justice turn slowly.

Memorial Day weekend was a blur. We went to friend Renee's party (lots of fun) but first...we acquired a new family member.

This is Mario, our new evil pet. (Those of you who parent or grandparent Ninentdo addicts will get the name.) He is a 2 year old Beagle, who was a stray at the shelter and we nabbed him. We were going to wait until we got back from our trip to Washington D.C. to celebrate Big Bit's graduation but Beagles don't come through the shelter very often so we nabbed him. Friend Ra will watch him while we're in Reno and a little bit of the D.C. time when Mom is on a Harley ride to Elko.

We also went (late) to my uncles(s) and aunt(s) anniversary party. A supposedly brief lunch at Flatbread Pizza went sadly awry. In addition, I hate really paper-thin crust pizza. Shan't be back. Sorry to the family for showing up for the last 1/2 hour but I did enjoy seeing everyone. Then, we got to go see the new house my dad is having built. It's small, but cute, and when he retires and can't live in his company-provided housing anymore he will have a nice place to live. Sorry, no pics, but once it's done I'll nail some down.

Now - getting ready for graduation (I AM OLD) and our trip to DC. Big Bit has been another distraction (though always welcome) - he was having extreme bouts of senioritis and resenting authority (granted, the authority he was resenting I couldn't live with, so totally understood). To his credit, he got through it all and is great, but I appreciated the fact he wanted to talk to me about it all. I don't take that for granted by any means. Sometimes you see parents and their children grow apart and you wonder - how does that happen? I'm not sure. I don't want to experience it with my kids, so I plan on working hard at appreciating their worlds, even when I don't agree with them.

Back on a Sunday, Big Bit's college orientation on a Monday and then - off to D.C.! We were fortunate enough to score White House tour tickets through Senator Crapo - now if I just see an Obama I'll have a big grin on my face. I know. As if. And I know he's not perfect, okay? Thank you. Looking forward to seeing all the wonderful, inspiring sights that I've seen briefly on work visits to the D.C. area and much more that I've never been exposed to.

I also hope to meet up with Holly and Kris, a couple of ladies met through the blogosphere - we'll see how things shake out but it might be a lot of fun.

So, while I've been totally offline, I haven't been inactive. Hope all is well with everyone's world as well.

Talk Thursday: Endings...and Beginnings

Yep, I set the topic again, so I feel obligated to write. I have written on other's topics (maybe twice, to my shame) so I don't feel like I'm totally favoring myself. :)

Usually, endings are sad. The last few years I've had some that are happy, and some that are sad.

Happy Endings:

Leaving Utah

Child Support

Sad Endings:

My grandmother's passing

My doggie's passing

Beginnings are always more optimistic - there's so much room for opportunity to hope and dream about how things will turn out. The beginning we've experienced over the past few years are well documented on this blog.

When you get into your 40's, it's a little harder to find beginnings, frankly, at least for me. My kid's lives are really still beginning and that's fascinating, but it's their lives, not mine. I might start another new job in the next few years - but more and more, as friend Shawn says, the time I (and he) spent at the Mothership working for Jenny looks like an aberration in one's career, not a constant. Everything else has been a job. I've been with TH for almost 16 years and all signs point to it's going to last (thankfully!). I'm not moving ever again, I've decided, so that's out. Let's face it, I am truly the picture of your middle aged Mom.

But....

One thing that has happened is, in a way, a beginning for me. Big Bit has chosen a college. He is going to go to the College of Idaho, the fine institution I wrote about previously and which I attended for all of one semester. Because of the cost (private school = $$$) and because like me as a college freshman he doesn't feel like he would live well in a dorm, he's going to live with us. It's about a 25 mile drive one way, but trust me, the gas in his car (Honda Civic) in no way compares with the cost of living on campus, and he needs to stretch his dollars to last as long as possible.


Since he started school, we've had Big Bit with us a lot - during year round school, probably 4 months total or more of the year, summers during middle schools, weekends frequently etc. (Of course, prior to that I had him full or half time at least). He spent his freshman year in Utah with us, which was wonderful, but it ended badly (not because of anything he or I did, but a third force if you know who I mean) and he went back. He was worried for me and him if he stayed with me.

Now, he's an adult, or as Little Bit put it "He can do whatever he wants, can't he Mom?"

So, in an odd way, Big Bit's graduation, which is an ending, is a beginning for both him, and me. I don't look at him coming to school here as "I win" or anything like it. He picked a school he wants to go to, and we happen to live near it. It saves him money to live here, so he will have less student loan debt at the end.

But still, it's going to be fun to see college through his perspective. I hope he handles it all far, far better than I did. I think, in spite of his shyness that I fully share (and more) that he will be able to enjoy school and not do something stupid like get married (too soon).

Now to go see about selling a kidney to pay for school, as well as the new roof that we weren't supposed to need for 3 more years (augh). That is all.

PAID IN FULL

As of yesterday....I have experienced an epic event. I PAID MY LAST CHILD SUPPORT CHECK. EVER. EVER. EVER.

Well, let me restate that. I have paid the last dime I have to pay that benefits someone other than my child more than my child himself. Let me clarify a bit. Actually, since January I have been paying Big Bit directly, as I had stated my preference to do so starting with his birthday and EHFH actually said (via Big Bit, of course) that it was fine to start early. So, this year hasn't been too bad.

However, it was a really weird feeling to mail that check yesterday. I am not glad Big Bit is grown up, mind you. (at least not all the time, most of the time I'd like him to be 7 again, and his brother a newborn - they were so stinking cute and one didn't talk back and the other couldn't!) Whether a child lives with you full time or not, that sensation of leaving the nest is one that I think is universal. It's an odd feeling to know he's in charge of his decisions and consequences and as of mid-June, whether he goes to school any further or not.

Also, I do not dispute the obligation of a "non-custodial" (term makes me laugh, 'cause kids, there's been a whole lot of "custodial" duties I've continued to perform through the years, from dental visits, to braces, to immunizations, to haircuts - all fun for me, actually) parent to pay money to the other in order to benefit the child. My beef was more around the fact I far rather would have put it into a college fund, which would be approximately twice the size of the check that Big Bit's other parent has given to him for college. And yes, he could afford to do without the money. As did I - when Big Bit lived with us in Utah, every cent I received went straight to his college fund. He was amazed at how much I'd actually accumulated from that time alone.

It's a really liberating feeling to know that from now on, ANYTHING I do for Big Bit financially is because I want to, because we've discussed it, and because it makes perfect sense (hopefully, anyway). I think I feel a little at loose ends. Odd.

Money, and Big Bit, have been the things that have tied me to EHFH for 16 years longer than I wished to be. I know I wasn't going to write about him anymore, but this is really about me. And how all shackles are off now. All I HAVE to do is enjoy and continue to have a relationship with my beloved firstborn. I feel like I'm 27 again. Anything's possible.

I leave you with this thought. He Thinks He'll Keep Her, indeed.

Talk Thursday - Things That Must Go

I'm grateful to JulieAnn for this topic - I've wanted to write for a while, and haven't been able to or truly motivated to - for a variety of reasons. This one, though, resonated so much that I had to write.

My feelings about my time in Utah are fairly well known and documented, on this blog in particular. One thing I loved, though, was the "Radio From Hell" show. I miss Kerry, Bill and Gina.

They made me laugh out loud on the way to work with their dead on assessments of life in Utah. I also, to this day, use the term "asshat", which I quickly appropriated from Bill. I don't know why it made me laugh. But it did.

I don't know if this will lighten things up as much as JA would like - but here goes.

THINGS THAT MUST GO:

1) My thinking I can fix things for people.

2) People who run red lights.

3) Viking fans. (I would have said Bears fans, but I love my cousin, so no go.)

4) People who don't like Boise. That includes the CEO of a certain corporation that shall remain nameless. You don't have to want to live here, mind you, but just be okay with those of us that do.

5) Tea Party members who use racials slurs. Actually, pretty much anybody that uses racial slurs.

6) Things that keep preventing Jeff Gordon from winning a race. Seriously, people, it's getting ridiculous.

7) Rainy weather (at least for a while)!

8) The Denver Nuggets (the Jazz beat them last night and I believe will continue to do so).

9) Brent Fav-rah. 'Nuff said.

10) My worrying about stupid crap I can't control. Enough already. (See #1 above).

Those, in a nutshell, are things that MUST go. Oh, you're right, I have a list of 100 or so more. But that will do for a start.

Spring?

They keep saying it's spring. I don't believe it. It snowed here this week. No, it didn't stick BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!

Bogus Basin ski area closes this weekend, and for once, I think the snow is better now than it has been a lot of the season. I guess we'll go skiing - but I really want warmth, sun and to be able to plant my garden.

I have some better pictures of finches that I got today, but for now, this is the extent of my bird photos - every time I've tried to take their pictures, until yesterday, the damn things flew off.

Bucky got his paws on a squirrel Monday, but it put the afterburners on and escaped. Now there's a dead dove by our back door. Okay, cat, you've done enough damage to the animal kingdom this week, you can take a break.

In other news? I am way behind on my homework for my CEBS certification (but I'm catching up), Big Bit still hasn't chosen a school, but will be here next week and hopefully will do so.

We've booked a trip to celebrate Big Bit's graduation - we're going to Washington, D.C. Thankfully we had enough frequent flyer miles from years of travel and a merger between Northwest and Delta to get plane tickets. We are excited, I've been there for work but only got to visit the Mall area briefly, Big Bit went but there was a hurricane that week and he didn't get to do much, and Little Bit and TH have never been. So this should be fun.

The Green Bay Packers were kind enough to announce a pre-season game in Seattle in August. That will be our other extravagance - it's the only chance I have to watch them this year, so we're going.

Now, if it would just get warm enough to move about freely outside. I have cabin fever in the worst way.