I had a post about forgiveness and how I would be working on that. I am not posting this update to mention He Who Must Not Be Named, but rather to note the following: I can't believe a parent would be so short-sighted, stupid and uncaring of said child so as to refuse to fill out the FAFSA.
Rather than do my usual mother-bear imitation and engage in a fight with said HWMNBN, thinking that somehow I could change behaviors and "win", thus perpetuating the whole hatred thing mentioned before, I realized this was the desired reaction, didn't engage, called various schools and found out that I could indeed complete it, so I did that...problem solved, I hope.
And instead of anger, I felt pity that someone could be that selfish and short-sighted. That's progress.
Hopefully that's the last of those little encounters.
Showing posts with label stupid people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stupid people. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Talk Thursday - Long Time Gone
"You're a long time gone...keepin' your secrets for too long. Baby, you ain't half of what you used to be....in this dim October sky, I've got no tears left to cry...And I'm finally learning you can't be too strong....I'm a long time gone" - Gin Blossoms, Long Time Gone.
Well, since it's my topic...I'd better write on it.
I went to church Sunday, as I do most Sundays (not all, sadly, in the winter I am a sloth who has trouble rising before 9 when the sun comes up unless it involves going somewhere warm or getting paid to show up to work). As one of the ladies I work with says, I don't go to church so much because I think I have to in order to keep my faith, but I'd hate to see what kind of person I'd be if I didn't go. She said that about her, not me. I think.
I had already sent out the topic, and had some idea of what I would write about. But then it was the Women's service at the church as happens once a year. Yeah, you'd think I'd know that. But I'm not terribly involved other than showing up, worshiping and giving money. Lutherans aren't the most friendly bunch in the world, and while I really like our Pastor, who's in his early 30s and, for a Pastor, fairly liberal in his ideas, I don't fit in with his "group" who are about his age, and I don't fit in with the older people, (i.e. anyone 10 years older than me) because they just seem very comfortable with each other, and despite the fact they've seen my mug on and off for 15 years, they don't seem to interested in pursuing a conversation, and as I've mentioned before I'm shy. (note to Kristi - when Shane has a church, make darned sure you go talk to that nice lady in her early 40's who's standing off to the side and isn't quite sure how to proceed. She'll love you for it).
So, anyhoo, there I am in church, led by the ladies, and very nicely, too. Then the woman who was doing the sermon got up. And, kids, she rocked my world. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I thought I knew at first, but now I'm not sure how to pull it off.
What I've taken from my experiences a "Long Time Gone" is that you can do something with the best of intentions and be brutally, totally, and completely punished for it. Due to my not being the primary custodial parent the majority of the time since Big Bit started school, I've had everything from people who broke off conversations upon finding out my situation to "family" members saying (though not to my face, of course) that I was probably unfit or at the very least an extremely poor mother for not being in the same town as my child. (Please note, one of these family member should be investigated by Child Protective Services, and I'm not the only person who thinks that. So I thought she had a lot of nerve. No, she doesn't read this, so it's not any of you). I had someone tell me when I announced I was pregnant "Oh (bleep)". I took this as an assumption that I would not be able to keep custody or raise a second child effectively.
In fact, I will note for the historical record, there has never been any allegation I'm unfit. I just had the cojones to stand up for myself, and to some guys, that is enough of a crime.
I knew my truth, why I did make certain decisions and not others. Certain decisions were made by "independent" third parties who at the end of the day didn't seem independent at all. I've made my peace with that part of it, as it were. I don't claim to be without blame. I have plenty and I take responsibility. But I can't stand to even hear EHFH's voice anymore.
The woman, who had also been through a bad divorce, though one with different parameters than mine, said that you have to forgive. Not for the other person, but for yourself. I've heard this before, in other times and places, but this time it really hit me. Whether you believe in Christianity or you think it's bunk, this is a precept that does make a lot of sense.
You see, Friday is Big Bit's 18th birthday. I've been going through this crap for SIXTEEN YEARS. Let me repeat: SIXTEEN years. And while when I got divorced I had no hard feelings as such towards EHFH, he has made it his mission over the last SIXTEEN years to make my life a living hell whenever possible. His actions have pretty much made what affection remained morph into something pretty close to hatred. And while he hasn't always succeeded in his quest, he's succeeded enough to make me more than regret giving him that power. If you add in our married and divorced time, it's coming up on 25 years. That's a lifetime.
So I resolve to forgive on Sunday night. And I'm feeling very "Christlike in my love and forgiveness" to paraphrase the Church (not my Church but "the one true Church"). Then Big Bit calls me last night to talk to me about his FAFSA that has to be filed so he can get qualified for his scholarships, private grants, etc. He and his father are yelling at each other. Not screaming, but yelling pretty loud. I flashback to being afraid, with a two year old in a diaper in my arms, backing up towards a refrigerator, with a very enraged man in my face. I tell Big Bit that I have to get off the phone.
"Call me when you're done". I know it's not serious, honestly. I know they're just both mad, not violent in any way. Big Bit is 6 foot tall and at least 185 lbs. But it gives me the heebie jeebies.
Then, when Big Bit calls back, and I explain that I couldn't stay on the phone because it was creeping me out, he has the raw nerve to say "You aren't good with confrontation".
Oh, I'm good with confrontation, son. I held you in my arms ready to defend you to the end with your dad screaming in our faces. I'm glad you don't remember. I confronted 12 hours of labor only to go through major surgery to have you. And I'm glad I did. I bought my lawyer a freakin' Corvette to try and keep you with me. I'm just not good with screaming.
It's obviously hard to forgive. But it's a long time gone, and I'm tired of secrets. And yelling. It is time to forgive. Wish me good luck, I'm going to need it.
Other than posting pics of Big Bit's graduation which may include pictures of him, this is the last time I will mention that man, forgiveness or no. It's time for that as well.
Well, since it's my topic...I'd better write on it.
I went to church Sunday, as I do most Sundays (not all, sadly, in the winter I am a sloth who has trouble rising before 9 when the sun comes up unless it involves going somewhere warm or getting paid to show up to work). As one of the ladies I work with says, I don't go to church so much because I think I have to in order to keep my faith, but I'd hate to see what kind of person I'd be if I didn't go. She said that about her, not me. I think.
I had already sent out the topic, and had some idea of what I would write about. But then it was the Women's service at the church as happens once a year. Yeah, you'd think I'd know that. But I'm not terribly involved other than showing up, worshiping and giving money. Lutherans aren't the most friendly bunch in the world, and while I really like our Pastor, who's in his early 30s and, for a Pastor, fairly liberal in his ideas, I don't fit in with his "group" who are about his age, and I don't fit in with the older people, (i.e. anyone 10 years older than me) because they just seem very comfortable with each other, and despite the fact they've seen my mug on and off for 15 years, they don't seem to interested in pursuing a conversation, and as I've mentioned before I'm shy. (note to Kristi - when Shane has a church, make darned sure you go talk to that nice lady in her early 40's who's standing off to the side and isn't quite sure how to proceed. She'll love you for it).
So, anyhoo, there I am in church, led by the ladies, and very nicely, too. Then the woman who was doing the sermon got up. And, kids, she rocked my world. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I thought I knew at first, but now I'm not sure how to pull it off.
What I've taken from my experiences a "Long Time Gone" is that you can do something with the best of intentions and be brutally, totally, and completely punished for it. Due to my not being the primary custodial parent the majority of the time since Big Bit started school, I've had everything from people who broke off conversations upon finding out my situation to "family" members saying (though not to my face, of course) that I was probably unfit or at the very least an extremely poor mother for not being in the same town as my child. (Please note, one of these family member should be investigated by Child Protective Services, and I'm not the only person who thinks that. So I thought she had a lot of nerve. No, she doesn't read this, so it's not any of you). I had someone tell me when I announced I was pregnant "Oh (bleep)". I took this as an assumption that I would not be able to keep custody or raise a second child effectively.
In fact, I will note for the historical record, there has never been any allegation I'm unfit. I just had the cojones to stand up for myself, and to some guys, that is enough of a crime.
I knew my truth, why I did make certain decisions and not others. Certain decisions were made by "independent" third parties who at the end of the day didn't seem independent at all. I've made my peace with that part of it, as it were. I don't claim to be without blame. I have plenty and I take responsibility. But I can't stand to even hear EHFH's voice anymore.
The woman, who had also been through a bad divorce, though one with different parameters than mine, said that you have to forgive. Not for the other person, but for yourself. I've heard this before, in other times and places, but this time it really hit me. Whether you believe in Christianity or you think it's bunk, this is a precept that does make a lot of sense.
You see, Friday is Big Bit's 18th birthday. I've been going through this crap for SIXTEEN YEARS. Let me repeat: SIXTEEN years. And while when I got divorced I had no hard feelings as such towards EHFH, he has made it his mission over the last SIXTEEN years to make my life a living hell whenever possible. His actions have pretty much made what affection remained morph into something pretty close to hatred. And while he hasn't always succeeded in his quest, he's succeeded enough to make me more than regret giving him that power. If you add in our married and divorced time, it's coming up on 25 years. That's a lifetime.
So I resolve to forgive on Sunday night. And I'm feeling very "Christlike in my love and forgiveness" to paraphrase the Church (not my Church but "the one true Church"). Then Big Bit calls me last night to talk to me about his FAFSA that has to be filed so he can get qualified for his scholarships, private grants, etc. He and his father are yelling at each other. Not screaming, but yelling pretty loud. I flashback to being afraid, with a two year old in a diaper in my arms, backing up towards a refrigerator, with a very enraged man in my face. I tell Big Bit that I have to get off the phone.
"Call me when you're done". I know it's not serious, honestly. I know they're just both mad, not violent in any way. Big Bit is 6 foot tall and at least 185 lbs. But it gives me the heebie jeebies.
Then, when Big Bit calls back, and I explain that I couldn't stay on the phone because it was creeping me out, he has the raw nerve to say "You aren't good with confrontation".
Oh, I'm good with confrontation, son. I held you in my arms ready to defend you to the end with your dad screaming in our faces. I'm glad you don't remember. I confronted 12 hours of labor only to go through major surgery to have you. And I'm glad I did. I bought my lawyer a freakin' Corvette to try and keep you with me. I'm just not good with screaming.
It's obviously hard to forgive. But it's a long time gone, and I'm tired of secrets. And yelling. It is time to forgive. Wish me good luck, I'm going to need it.
Other than posting pics of Big Bit's graduation which may include pictures of him, this is the last time I will mention that man, forgiveness or no. It's time for that as well.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Be Careful What You Wish For
Well, the good news is I probably won't be asked to move. That makes me very happy.
The bad news? We got the news that certain programs I am associated with are going out to bid. Without really any forewarning or consulting with any of us. The person who should have called to discuss this didn't- who is a much higher authority than any I work with, in Boise period - had their consultant do that. I will not say what I would like to call these people but it isn't pleasant.
The meaning of all this? Well, let's just say ultimately I'm not thinking it's job security for me and those I work with. In the short-term I think things are fine. Not sure long-term and I like to have people treat me and mine with the respect all humans deserve. Even Brett Favre.
I'm not sorry we left Utah. I'm really not. And while it's been a hard adjustment work-wise, I am starting to appreciate the people I work with for what they bring to the table. I just would like to have a job - even a "job" that would have your ordinary amount of politics, stress and heartache instead of doubt, fear and some loathing. I used to have it, so I know it's possible.
Sigh. Guess it's back to the salt mines.
And I have to come up with a Talk Thursday topic. I warn you, it may be a depressing one.
The bad news? We got the news that certain programs I am associated with are going out to bid. Without really any forewarning or consulting with any of us. The person who should have called to discuss this didn't- who is a much higher authority than any I work with, in Boise period - had their consultant do that. I will not say what I would like to call these people but it isn't pleasant.
The meaning of all this? Well, let's just say ultimately I'm not thinking it's job security for me and those I work with. In the short-term I think things are fine. Not sure long-term and I like to have people treat me and mine with the respect all humans deserve. Even Brett Favre.
I'm not sorry we left Utah. I'm really not. And while it's been a hard adjustment work-wise, I am starting to appreciate the people I work with for what they bring to the table. I just would like to have a job - even a "job" that would have your ordinary amount of politics, stress and heartache instead of doubt, fear and some loathing. I used to have it, so I know it's possible.
Sigh. Guess it's back to the salt mines.
And I have to come up with a Talk Thursday topic. I warn you, it may be a depressing one.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
You Get What You Get
It's a song we've been playing on Rock Band. But it resonates very much tonight.
Hey, James (and the rest of the Viking fans) - how does it feel? Sucky, doesn't it?
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Thanks Ted Thompson. You Suck.
A Packer Fan's Lament 2008
sung to the tune of "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt
(full credit to Beer Kid @ Packer Palace)
My Pack ain't brilliant
My Pack ain't good
I saw a devil of that I'm sure
He smiled at me from the skybox, he was with another fan
But I won't lose no sleep on that,'Cause Ted T's got a plan
You're pitiful, You're pitiful,You're pitiful, it's true
I saw your face in a crowded place,and I don't know what to do
'Cause we'll never win with you
Yes, he caught my eye as I beer-runned by
He could see from my face that I was murderous
And I don't hope that I'll see him again
But we shared a moment that will last till the end
You're pitiful, You're pitiful,You're pitiful, it's true
I saw your face in a crowded place and I don't know what to do
'Cause we'll never win with you
Saturday, December 6, 2008
About Time
May I just repeat what I said in the summer of 1995, in the West One Bank building in Boise, ID after a bunch of us employees gathered to watch the verdict:
"Right there is proof that if my ex-husband had enough money, he could kill me and get away with it."
Karma, OJ, is a beeyatch.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Sometimes I Wonder
Story from the Eastern (i.e. Utahn) portion of the homestate. These kids heard this stuff at home. You know they did. And it is ABSOLUTELY unacceptable.
Stop it. Stop it now. This man is our President-Elect.
Stop it. Stop it now. This man is our President-Elect.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
MY DAD IS SMOKING AGAIN
Feel free, those who know him, to call him and scream your lungs out. I haven't yet...but I'm about to.
He's got a scar around his skull and a feeding tube in his nose. And guess how they got there.
Unfrickingbelievable.
Say a prayer he figures out that he's GOT to deal with this. The next time this reoccurs, he has few, if any options and they're all a lot worse than what he's going through this time.
He's got a scar around his skull and a feeding tube in his nose. And guess how they got there.
Unfrickingbelievable.
Say a prayer he figures out that he's GOT to deal with this. The next time this reoccurs, he has few, if any options and they're all a lot worse than what he's going through this time.
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