Talk Thursday - Devastated

When Krista sent out this topic, it finally spurred me to do something I hadn't for months (obviously) - blog.

What happened? A lot in the last seven months. Frankly, most of it hasn't been good. Bear with me a moment, for those of you who don't know the whole story. There is a moral to it.

Shortly after my last post, I managed to fall on my elbow walking Mario on icy sidewalks (as opposed to my ass, which would have been better) and shatter it. Surgery followed and I can safely say that it hurt worse than being in labor. So there was that. No skiing in the winter. Boo.

January went without much event, just healing up from the surgery but February started off with a bang. Right before Big Bit's birthday, my Dad was diagnosed with terminal leukemia, a month from turning 65. Those of you that have read the blog know that Dad had his battles with cancer, those being smoking related, but this apparently was not. So much for me and my bitching about his smoking.

Strike one.

A week to the day after this became news, Big Bit called me hysterical. He was at his Dad's and had gotten on to Facebook, only to see that TH's niece had posted she had to go home because her brother had committed suicide. Yep. Our nephew. Brad's sister's kid. I was even more shocked because we knew nothing. I got through to TH while he was teaching a class. The fact I did that warned him it was bad. Indeed, he reached his sister as I reached our niece and the worst had happened the night before. They'd had no time to reach us due to logistical issues. We assured them finding out the way we did wasn't anyone's fault. It damn sure was a shock though. I think I'm even more glad I quit Facebook.

Strike two.

So, we're going to a funeral for a 17 year old, two weeks short of his 18th birthday. A beautiful boy, who'd gone through his struggles but seemed to be on a good path. We'd seen him at Christmas and he'd been delightful. Played with Little Bit, chatted, was much more the boy I remembered than he'd been for years. Perhaps this was a sign. We didn't know. I've been to enough teen aged boys' funerals in my life. I didn't need to go to another one. Big Bit was distraught; he and his cousin were a year apart in age and quite good friends when little.

So that passed. The only humorous part of the week was when Big Bit and I were texting each other after the funeral about the obnoxious stepmonster in law - who was in full form.

Another Friday went by with no bad news. Whew.

And then.

My mother called with the news that my cousin's 19 year old, again a great pal of Big Bit's when younger, had killed himself. At this point, kids, I was numb, I was reeling. I was beyond belief that our lives could suck as progressively much as they were getting to, as well as being devastated for my cousin and her husband, great parents, as I had been for my sister-in-law and her husband, who are REALLY good people.

Big Bit was more stoic at this funeral, but for the second time in a month he got to see his boyhood plastered on a wall in the form of a slide show. Was it good that he was in their lives enough to make the final show? Sure. But I'm also sure it was very hard for him.

Strike three.

Oh, and just for good measure, Little Bit was diagnosed with Aspergers in February. Not totally unexpected, but another thing to manage.

We ached through March, we suffered through April, and lagged into May. The weather didn't help. Boise decided to have its wettest, cloudiest spring in recent history. The sun? It wasn't coming out. At all. Ever, apparently. Little Bit struggled at school, and Big Bit did too.

Mid-may came, and Big Bit was finishing up his last semester. We were starting to get some equilibrium, I thought. We'd been to see Dad frequently, and I'd talked to him on the phone, but one could tell he was getting progressively more sad and more weak. TH and I went to see him, and when I got there he was so bad that he basically needed to sleep all the time so that he wouldn't hurt. If he woke up, he was in pain. I saw him for probably two minutes that weekend. I was a chicken. I couldn't face it. I am pretty ashamed of myself for that. Thank God for my stepmother. If God didn't send her into Dad's life, I don't know who did, because apparently I wasn't going to be able to take care of him. The last time I saw him, he was asleep, finally peacefully, and I didn't want to wake him up. I still wonder if that was the right decision.

We went home, as it didn't seem he was at "that" stage. In the middle of the night my phone rang. I HATE middle of the night phone calls. Nothing good comes of these calls, ever. They're either death or drunk dialing and there's nothing positive about either. Yeah, big shocker, Dad was gone. I was glad in a way, because he really was done with all of this at the end and I certainly couldn't blame him. But it was sad and horrible that all he wanted was to get outside, maybe go fishing or at least drive in the hills and the fricking weather wouldn't permit it. I will never understand that.

So...more numbness. Getting one foot in front of the other, much less getting up, has been hard. Big Bit went to his Dad's shortly after the funeral and apparently has decided to unleash his very unattractive passive aggressive side for no reason on us. It's been a month since I've talked to him, other than one rather unpleasant test exchange. Gosh, 19 year olds are fun.

So...color me devastated.

But here's where it gets better.

I am glad the Packers won the Super Bowl. In the grand scheme of things, yes, this seems unimportant. But my Dad watched it. And was as excited as I was. We talked afterwards and it was so nice to share something happy right after the bad news. I also was able to get him a signed SB XVI hat by Korey Hall, the Packers player from Glenns Ferry, ID. Dad and I had a personal point of pride about Jerry Kramer. It was there for Korey as well.

I am glad that our nephew was as interactive as he was and allowed us to enjoy his company over the last months of his life; he played with his much younger cousin, showed his sweet side, and I wouldn't trade that, even with how things ended. He hadn't been that way for a long time. It was nice to see that sweet little 1 year old I met so long ago within him again.

I am glad that Big Bit was important enough not only in our nephew's life but in my cousin's son's life that he featured in these slide shows. It's been a long hard slog to make sure that he was plugged into the family. I think he still doesn't always feel like he is, but that's a universal problem. We all wonder where we belong sometimes, I think.

I am glad my Dad and Mom had me so young, as much as I'm sure that complicated their lives at the time. I wouldn't have had 44 years with my Dad, even with the ups and downs, if he hadn't been 20 when I was born.

I am glad that I finally had the light go on in my head regarding my relationship with Big Bit. The last 17 years have been rewarding, but tough. I love him. I have busted my ass and bought my attorney a Corvette trying to get him with me. I have spent thousands of dollars in plane tickets to ensure I saw him frequently. I spent thousands of dollars in child support as was my obligation, and I didn't begrudge that. I saved a full year of child support that I got and managed to come up with 1/2 the amount his Dad gave him for college. Who didn't need the money. But I digress. My point is that I have done everything, everything that I could have done. People have things they regret and probably would re-do if they could. But given how things came, I've done the best I can. I hope he knows how much I love him, and I hope he decides to be more respectful. But I can control how I react to the disrespect.

I feel strong, stronger than I have for some time. I have a wonderful husband I met 17 years ago yesterday. I have a wonderful son who I love, even when he's exasperating the hell out of my by not going to sleep as he is tonight; who will figure out how to deal with Aspergers; and I have a son with a lovely soul who I think will remember who he really is and how much I love him. I have my Mom, my family and my friends. I have people in my life who sent a beautiful flower arrangement to my Dad's funeral even though I won't meet any of them until October when I go to Green Bay - my blog family at PocketDoppler.com. Jerry Kramer has read a blog post of mine and liked it. Jerry Kramer!!!

This litany has sounded extremely depressing, I'm sure. Don't send the police, or the psychiatrist. This is a way of me letting all of this out, and apologizing to those of you to whom I seemed to fall of the face of the earth. I care about you guys. I just was trying to get through the day. That's getting better.

I am lucky. I am alive.

Even though I am devastated.

Progress?

Here I am, actually blogging. Shocking, eh? I know! (Craig Ferguson voice.)

Blogosophere, don't feel neglected - it's bad enough that my lovely stepmother called me to see if I was alive. Yes, she agrees my father could call me. He doesn't. Unless it's my birthday. I don't take it personally anymore but when things get going enough that life is especially crazy, I don't think of calling him until 8:30 p.m. and then he's asleep. I reassured her I'm still alive and think about them lots. We'll probably try and run down over Thanksgiving weekend. Turkey Day itself will be quietly at home. TH has to have hernia surgery two days before so he will be moving gingerly I am sure.

(Hernia surgery? Seriously? Old people have hernias. Oh, he's 47 you say? Oh my heck.)

Big Bit is doing well at College of Idaho. He's taking midterms this week, has made a few friends and is ready for his fall break next week, in which he will take Reno on for several days. His Dad is doing well, the cancer seems to have been a scare and not a glaring reality, for which I am deeply thankful.

Little Bit is cruising through 6th grade fairly well, as has been the case each year there are less issues with the transition. I'm a little concerned about the transition to junior high. No, let me be honest. I'm terrified. He's so intelligent but emotionally a little immature - and holding him back academically would be a disaster. His counselor that he's been seeing for a while now suggested a charter school here in Boise that has a junior high. We're seriously considering it. It's not far from TH's work so that wouldn't be especially problematic but it has a lottery so who knows if he'd actually get in anyway. There's also a private school that might be an option. (ouch.)

Not getting the potential job seems to have been a blessing in disguise, but the current one is driving me starkers as they say in the UK. Still, it is better than unemployment, so I will strive to persevere.

The Packers beat the Vikings. You may not have heard. This of course was huge. I'm still grinning. Now if Nevada beats BSU my football experience for this year may hit it's zenith. Those Oregon Ducks are the team I'm rooting for otherwise. ;)

My birthday is Saturday and unfortunately I didn't win the Packers trip to see the Jets game and the new Broadway play Lombardi this weekend. Sigh. Nor can I go to the Rally for Sanity, as much fun as that would be. Little Bit wants to go to Boo at the Zoo Saturday so that should be fun. He's going to be Harry Potter. I promise to post pictures of that.

I promise to be a little more active here. Now that it's dark, I'm not tempted to spend all of my time outside.

How To Win Friends and Influence Bear Fans

Here's a draft of my first blog post for PocketDoppler.com which I hope will publish tomorrow.


Many thanks to Wally for asking me to participate in these shenanigans. Hopefully you'll find the view of a (somewhat) Violent Femme worthwhile reading.

As a bit of an introduction, I've been a Packer fan for most of my life, thanks to my Dad - a huge fan of the Lombardi-era Packers, especially Jerry Kramer (as most of my family has attended University of Idaho). The story I like to tell is that I was sitting on his lap at a few months old watching Super Bowl I. If not, I must have been in the next room listening to him cheer, because I imprinted. I read his well-thumbed copy of Instant Replay when I was about 7 or 8 and it was all over with. I was hooked.

Over the past 20 years, my interest has become more intense. Now, thanks to the power of blogs such as CheeseheadTV and Twitter, I've come to feel a part of a community of fans. I think those of us who don't live anywhere near Wisconsin find this connection maybe more important than your local Packer fan realizes, because we don't often run into someone on the street who has a similar passion for our team. In fact, around here, you're more likely to meet a Denver Bronco or San Francisco 49er fan. Shudder.

I've seen a fair amount of bickering on the Packer fan blogs, sometimes to the point of name calling after a big loss, or especially during the whole Favregate fiasco. In general, however, except for the occasional presence of a troll, people at least repect the main premise of why we're all there - we love and support the Green Bay Packers, come what may.

I realized during the Super Bowl vs. Denver that I had a little problem with confrontation. We were at a friend's house for a Super Bowl party who really didn't know anything about football, which is fine, but who made the mistake (to me) of inviting a rabid Broncos fan, male, who found out I loved the Packers and went after me with the intensity of a diamond tipped drill bit. Once he knew he was bothering me, he wouldn't shut up. Usually I'm pretty quick with a quip or pointed comment, but I just sat there, and after that last, awful play got up quietly, walked out the door and went home. And cried, I must confess. (Of course, that wasn't the last time Favre made me cry.)

Last week I was reminded as to my utter inability to trash talk. A new tweep, from my town, found out my loyalties were (I can't believe he could figure it out....) and revealed himself as a Bears fan. Not just a Bears fan, but a trash talking, Packer hating, McMahon worshiping Bears fan. In an awful case of deja vu, with laser like focus he set about annoying me. I tried to play it off for a while, I tried to respond and be funny but it got worse and finally I had just had enough. So I did what any girl should(n't) do, I ran to my band of Packer fan brothers in the Twitter world and one of them was kind enough to take said Bear fanboy on.

During the Bear game on Sunday the insults flew thick and fast between them while I watched from the Twitter sidelines. If I was a betting woman (and I am) I would have bet that one, or both, was totally beside himself with rage. Then, suddenly, all was totally laid back and smiley faces. Peace and joy reigned. Each had worn himself out, I guess, and felt better, perhaps taking comfort in the united knowledge that the Vikings, too, suck.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I somehow, someway, take all of it too seriously to trash talk well. That seems odd to me, because I've seen men who I know bleed green and gold even more than I do (and therefore one would assume might care more) engage in exchanges that would make a truck driver blush. I have a cousin I'm very close to who is a Bears fan, but our "discussion" of the rivalry comes down to a twice a year my posting on my personal blog "The Bears Still Suck" video and his verbal flailing once they (usually) lose. No harm, no foul, no name calling. That's the extent of my trash talking experience.

Is this a female trait, or am I merely an example of a timid Packer fan that just needs to get some thicker skin and jump in the fray with the trash talkers? I don't know. I consulted with Jayme Joers from BrentFavre.com and she said she thought maybe we female sports fans are a little more emotional about our support. Understandable? Maybe, but when you don't know how to respond to someone it's just annoying. I'd love to have a better reaction than stony silence.

Two things I know for sure is The Bears Still Suck, and I still suck at trash talk.

Talk Thursday - Progressions

Life is weird sometimes. Well, if you're me, it's weird all the time, but that's another story for another Talk Thursday.

One of the reasons I didn't write over the summer is I was just working through stuff. I keep thinking "You're in your 40's, you're supposed to have this all figured out." But I don't, and I keep working at it. I've been frustrated because I don't have a job I love. I love where I live, and when we moved back I remember telling TH "I can hate my job or I can hate where I live, but I can't hate both, I'll never make it." In some ways this is true. I couldn't. But I find disliking one or the other very disheartening. Don Quixote, quit tilting at windmills.

I've been trying to find paths in which I can feel fulfilled in different ways at my output, even if it's not output I get paid for. That's a bit challenging given that I do have a job, a family and I'm trying to get a professional certification that's good for the resume if not much else.

Today a few weird things happened. Two of them positive, one not in a way but a way that made me thoughtful. Today was truly a progression for me, and that's not an experience I've had in a while.

First, when I got to work, I had a message from @wallypingel on Twitter asking me if I'd be interested in providing a female sports/Packers perspective to his blog, PocketDoppler.com. I "met" Wally through CheeseheadTV and he has some people he collaborates on this site, which definitely has content of interest to me. I thought for a couple of hours - I love to write, I've been told I'm good at it professionally but for entertainment? Whew. But, I was thinking yesterday that I would love to do something like be a professional sportswriter, or a blogger that became financially solvent for it. Aaron Nagler from CheeseheadTv was featured in the New York Times yesterday along with his partner in crime Corey Behnke. They don't do this for a living. YET. But I think they might pull it off. I don't think I ever would but I thought - what the hell? So I'm going to have a weekly post for Wally unless he thinks I suck at writing. In which case you will never hear another mention of this again.

Second - had a great lunch with the colleague who's daughter is attending school with Big Bit and we found out that we had much in common - we both love Craig Ferguson, we both have surreptitious piles of "important" papers on various counter corners in our house, our college freshmen both break our hearts occasionally - you name it. The progression part though is that she had a project that she needed help with that was up my alley - how our company could use social media. I jumped at the chance because whether it results in advancement or not, I knew I would enjoy it and it IS professionally related output. Yay!

The last thing was sad in a way, and yes, in a minor way, but still. Greg Bedard from the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, my Twitter buddy that came to see TH and I in Seattle, is leaving Wisconsin and moving to work for the Boston Globe as their premier NFL writer. Very cool for Greg, he's from the region and loves the Red Sox, but I was momentarily crushed, because he and I chatter about things every so often that are much beyond the Packers. Real Housewives of... (he and his wife love it, I DO NOT get it at all), last night we chatted about the Rutgers student's suicide because Greg went to Rutgers and I knew he'd be crushed, and other things now and again. Then I stopped and thought - you know, if I have any kind of connection in reality here to this very nice man, it's not going to stop because he leaves Wisconsin. Not like he lives next door to me in Boise, after all. And if we don't keep chattering, I know it was part of his professional obligation to talk to fans but he did it like a gentleman and that in this day and age is refreshing.

So - some new things for me to do, to think about, to write about and hopefully they'll result in some personal growth and accentuate the good things that seem to be brewing or already exist in my life. Start being appreciative, damn it. (I remind myself.)

The Bears Still Suck

Well, I didn't get the job, so I'm going to hang on until after the first of the year as certain good things will come my way if I do. Keep your fingers crossed that something happens after that. I know, I know, and I do believe things happen for a reason but sometimes it's really hard to see what that reason is.

In other related bad news, Monday Night Football sucked. (I know, Steven, you enjoyed it hugely.)

I don't care if the Bears won, they played the absolute worst game for the most part that I've seen and still managed to win - because the Packers beat themselves. McCarthy should be shot for making bad challenges - I think he went to the Childress School for the Criminally Insane NFL Head Coaches.

On the other hand, Aaron Rodgers played a beautiful game. Kid, you're growing up. *Sniff*

I remember how dismayed I was when Brent left and how I worried about Aaron's durability. I wasn't alone, I know, but I feel guilty now in the face of his grace, good humor and ability to suffer way too many sacks last year. He retweeted me this summer (this, folks, is a big deal) and I printed it out to frame and put in my pool room. Brent wouldn't know how to type, much less how to treat fans nicely on Twitter.

Anyhow, since I can't rub it in cousin Steve's face about the loss by playing one of my favorite tunes ( I LOVE a good polka), I'd like to play this particular tune for Brian Urlacher and Jay Cutler. Dudes, no one made you King of Anything.

And the Packers aren't drowning. That is all.

Talk Thursday - What I Learned - And Did - This Summer

Wow. I don't think I've ever gone this long without posting. It's been a wacky summer, kids. Some ways good, some ways bad, all ways more than I wanted, I think.

I've done a lot, and a lot of nothing. It depends on which week/month it was. I promise to post some pics of our trip to DC, but in the meantime, here's what I was up to this summer.

Things I Did:

Went to Reno to see Big Bit graduate. Mom, TH, Little Bit and I made the trip and my cousin the Godmother made a detour from her vacation in order to see her Godson graduate. It was a good weekend and really amazing. Big Bit asked me if I cried afterwards, to which TH responded "How many times would you like to hear about?" Too true. All I could think of was him in his little pink and blue cap laying in my arms while I said "Hi Dude, welcome to the world." It goes so damn fast.

Got hooked on Twitter. It gives the instant gratification a distracted Type A personality like me seems to require. I've had some great interactions with people there, some famous (Kelsey Grammer), some known to many (Mike Freeman, who writes for CBS Sports Online, has written several books and apparently wants to kidnap my beagle) and some known only to me. That may have been part of the reason I haven't blogged, and I know Kris has alluded to this as well...you've kind of said things you wanted to say and that takes away from the will to write. If you don't Twitter, you might like it. If you ever do and you follow me, it's really me, warts, liberal viewpoint, Packer obsession and all. You have been warned.

Went to Washington, DC. Awesome week. Did not want to go home. Could live there if I could live in the city. Have to make much more money to live in the city than I think I can. We hit about everything you could want to, including the White House and the Capitol tours (thank you Senator Crapo, I'll never vote for you but still). Met @thewino (Kris), @htphelps (Holly) and @KingMonkeyPants (James Bond), the first two being lovely ladies who blog about life (Kris) and the Packers (Holly) and now are on Twitter as well, the latter a dear friend of Kris' who is a source of absolute joy to me with his abundant humor on Twitter. I would have taken a picture of all of them, but KMP has some sort of super secret government job and I think he would have had to shoot us had he been photographed (I keed, I keed). The whole family was taken with them, to the point that when we went to National Airport (as the locals still call it) to fly home, Little Bit sadly waved out the window of the Metro and said "Bye, Monkey."

Not something I did - but - TH won the Golden Mallet tournament. AGAIN. Friend Steve was a bit apoplectic, because it's Steve's party, on Steve's birthday (this year) and he lost that damn mallet again. He'd gained it back for all of one year.

Had our annual Fourth of July BBQ so we could all troop over to the Depot and watch fireworks. Little Bit had a friend over, friends Steve and Bob brought their kids and everyone had a blast. The amount of munitions in our driveway the next day spoke for themselves.

Went to the Braun Brothers Family Reunion weekend in Challis. Never have been, always wanted to go (an old friend of TH's used to play in their band WAY back when) and finally did. I knew Muzzie and Billy's Mom and Dad when I was little and they were very sweet.

Mom organized it and we had a lot of fun. I think we'll go back next year but I will take earplugs because while I can still party, I can't stay up until 4 a.m. with the kids from LSU; or, to be honest, the nice cowboy and his wife (older than us!) from central Washington who were riding their bicycles in the dark at midnight while TH and I had a last beer and chuckled our heads off. They were very nice though and offered us breakfast the next day.

Went to Seattle for a PACKER game - Woohoo! Okay, here's the thing, Seattle contingent, including not only family but my Packer blog buddy Cuphound - we got there Friday night, ate dinner, went to bed, got up Saturday morning, ate breakfast, went into Seattle on the light rail (we stayed by the airport), had lunch with my old boss, Jenny, who we haven't seen in over a year, went to a tailgate party that I had been invited to by the Northwest Packer Backers, met another Twitter buddy @Greg_A_Bedard who writes for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel (boy was I nervous, but he's just a nice, witty, guy who likes to write about the Packers and their crazy fans like me), went to the stadium, ate, watched the game, took the light rail back, got up, had lunch and flew home. Whew. Next time I go over there I'm going to have more time and less things booked.

Things I learned:

It sucks when your teenager really starts acting like one. It was a rough summer with Big Bit, he tended to disappear off the face of the earth once he got back from vacation with his Dad. He wanted to spend most of the summer in Reno with his friends, understandably, but he also decided that he never needed to talk to me just to let me know he was alive (much less had he done any of the things he needed to do...yeah, Mom was asking), there were a few tears and a couple of irritated conversations. If you've gotten to 18.5 years without having all this attitude, I think it surprises you even more. Thank God for my sister-in-law who provided the exact perspective I needed after one of these conversations as she had gone through the same thing - late rebellion. Now Big Bit is here, all is fine and back to a different kind of normal and he's ready to kick off Welcome Week this weekend and get in the swim of college life. I'm excited for him, but I think he might be more excited, though nervous.

Life is damn hard and I'm not as resilient as I used to be. I am grateful to have a decent job with good pay in this economy. I am glad my boss is not Sybil and her boss (and his boss) seem to like me. Still, there are many writings on the wall which say the long term prospects are not good. I'm tired of feeling underutilized and overbored. I've been working on the attitude but it's hard. (Whiner, you say? You would be right and I've said that to myself.) There is a possibility of a job on the horizon that in some ways looks promising and in some ways looks scary due to some inside info I have. I should know if I have it next week. Without divulging much, let's just say that it involves a very stable employer. And a pension. And those are very, very attractive things.

I probably don't have the patience to really learn to play piano, but God bless my friend Allen for trying to teach me.

I am technically old enough to be Aaron Rodgers' mother. Damn, that's depressing.

Our little Mario beagle has a big heart and a fierce growl. We think he may have been abused because the poor little guy recoils if you even raise your voice. Big Bit terrified him accidentally with a fly swatter of all things. But he's very dear to us already.

Little Bit has to have some testing, probably in a couple of months, because the dr. we got referred to thinks he may have borderline Asperger's. Maybe not, but maybe. And while I'm grateful that it isn't worse, because obviously things always could be, I'm struggling more than a little bit with this particular bit of news.

I'm two months from being a year older and I don't think I'm any wiser. When does that kick in, exactly?

Lastly, I found out last night that the EHFH has a tumor on his liver and has to have a biopsy next week. He's only 44. Big Bit is understandably upset and concerned (as am I, actually) so please keep EHFH and Big Bit in your thoughts and prayers. With BB starting college next week here, the timing is of course impeccable. NOT.

So, in WAY more than a nutshell, that is what's been going on. I promise to write more so as not to write a novel again. I hope you've all been well and I promise you haven't been away from my thoughts.

You Get What You Get

It's a song we've been playing on Rock Band. But it resonates very much tonight.

Hey, James (and the rest of the Viking fans) - how does it feel? Sucky, doesn't it?

Role Models

I was out posting on a Packers blog last night (http://www.packergeeks.com/) in case you are interested - and over the last day I have had an exchange with a guy named Phil Hanrahan. Phil is a Wisconsin native who wrote a book called "Life After Favre". Phil seems to be a really nice guy and a good writer - we've chatted a bit at Cheeseheadtv.com (no, it's not an internet stalker thing, we briefly discussed my old flame Fuzzy Thurston). I highly recommend his book - not just because you might be a Packers fan (and yes you should be, Steven) but because it's an interesting portrait of a town and its kindred spirits (like me) that kind of lost its center a little over a year ago, and how they began to recover that center.

Should a sports team, or a first round Hall of Fame quarterback be your center? Perhaps not. And maybe I'm exaggerating a bit. But the town of Green Bay seemed a bit hollow after last summer. So did I, in a way, sadly enough - and that brought me to the next thought.

Sir Charles Barkley once famously said that athletes "shouldn't be role models". Bullshit. Yes, I said it. I agree that pastors, firefighters, policemen, honest politicians, teachers, parents and so on should be role models as well. But here's the thing - athletes get paid for doing what they love to do for a living - and often quite handsomely. Is it a bad thing to show kids that you really can do what you love for a living, even if that things is "playing"? (I don't think it installs in these kids that "I too can be Sir Charles Barkley - at least in most kids). Do you think that if you asked most firemen if they'd rather be the starting quarterback for (insert favorite team) instead of what they're doing that they'd say no? I really, honestly think not.

Kids figure out that parents, teachers etc. are not perfect WAY before they figure it out about the athletes they admire (if any, of course). It isn't right they should believe that an athlete is right about anything, or perfect by any means, but the longer they look up to that example - a good one - the more they can be inspired to do what they love and to do good things for others. A lot of these guys have charitable foundations and endeavors that are quite worthy.

That's why Judas showing his colors bothered me so much. It wasn't that I thought he was perfect - far from it. Child out of wedlock, Vicodin and alcohol addiction, you name it, he's probably done it - and been caught at it. And, seemingly, had taken responsibility for it and grown as a person, as one does in these situations if handled in the best way possible. It's that he displayed, in a very public way, what he thought of the people he professed to love, those who supported him through his very public trials and humiliations with true forgiveness and not just because he was a "winner". Packer Nation loved him also because of the personality he displayed, the joy of playing and the joy of sharing those moments with fans. Professional athletes, people are watching you.

So if you are in a position where you get to do what you love to do, and get paid handsomely for it, you are a role model (this goes for actors too, but more so sports figures). It doesn't mean you have to be perfect. It means you should be honest, you should never be Tiger Woods (that many mistakes, anyone can screw up in life, but really on this one sheesh), and you should accept that you have a responsibility to the kids of this country.

Whether you want it or not.


'Nuff said.

It's Bear Week

So, we all know what THAT means. No Steve, I wasn't baiting you with #21 on my meme.

THIS is baiting you. Good luck Sunday!

Thought for the Day

'If you’re going to stand up wearing Packer clothing or a Packer uniform and cheer when Brett Favre comes out, you should bring a bag and put it over your head.'

LeRoy Butler, October 26, 2009

Amen. I'll be at the ESPNZone in Anaheim, CA watching the fun begin at Lambeau this Sunday. Brent, remember, you threw an interception last week, you can do it this week. And get used to feeling that turf, son, because you'll be planted in it. That is all.

This Could Be Trouble

From BeerKid at PackerPalace.com - the musings of one lady, Lemondrop, that frequents those haunts. Here's her drinking game for tonight's Monday Night matchup (Vikings vs. Packers in case you haven't heard. Ha). Reading carefully, it seems very dangerous, as is any good drinking game.

Packers vs Vikings Drinking Game - http://www.acmepackingcompany.com/2009/9/29/1061024/packers-vs-vikings-drinking-game
All participants must take a drink every time one of the following occurs during the broadcast.

1) The word "gunslinger" is mentioned

2) The word "schism" is mentioned

3) The phrases "plays/looks like a kid out there" or "that's how football is supposed to be played" is used

4) Brad Childress looks confused on the sidelines

5) The cameras pan to the luxury boxes to show either Ted Thompson or Deanna Favre

6) Anytime Mid Game, ESPN shows a highlight of Brett Favre throwing a TD AGAINST the Minnesota Vikings (note - I saw the Packers at the Metrodome in 1997 -witnessed a few of these myself.)

7) An announcer mentions Brett Favre's Age

8) The phrase, "That's why the Vikings brought him here" is used

9) Brett Favre is sacked

10) Every time a Wrangler or the new Sears Commercial w/ Favre airs.

11) Every time Allen Barbre is shown standing over a prone Rodgers with a sheepish look on his face (note, I hope this doesn't happen a lot but I'm not holding my breath.)

Or, as Lemondrop says: "I'm just going to make it simple and drink every time I hear "Favre"."

Thank You, Mr. Utility Worker and Other Thoughts

It almost froze last night (our plants look like it even though we covered them up) and I thought it was going to be a horrible day weatherwise but now it's quite pleasant and I'm getting ready to go for a walk.

Why am I home at 3:07 p.m. you may ask? Well, some really, really smart guy who was digging a big hole in our parking lot at work DUG UP THE POWER SUPPLY. Call before you dig, guys, seriously. This happened around 11 a.m. The phones (sort of) works - you couldn't call in but you could call out, so after a couple of conference calls and lunch we all gave up and they closed the building. Our building is part of a bigger complex and of all of the buildings, who was the only one out of power? Ours. Who really wasn't in the mood today to work? Me. As my friend the Donnalama says "I didn't know you had such power". I KNOW! Me either! Now to turn my powers to good not evil, haha.

Other random thoughts - I hope Brett gets pounded just about as hard as you can without serious mental or permanent physical injury Monday night. I may have to squeeze into my T-Shirt that shrunk such that Little Bit wears it to bed that says "My Favorite Team is the Packers and Whoever Plays the Vikings". Special meaning this year, that. I am hopeful that when we play in Green Bay in November we will win because the "Old Man" doesn't like the cold anymore and has to play in a dome, but I'm not too sure about this one. Like when the "Loins" (t2ed's term) won, if the Packers win this weekend it may be time to "get right with the Lord" (again, his term). It may be the second sign of the apocalypse. Or third, if my power outage is a true sign of my power.

Bg Bit comes tomorrow which means a) Yay, we get to see him! and b) Four weeks until Disneyland and his college visit.

If you haven't yet checked out the Disney Channel's show "Phineas and Ferb", you most definitely should. It's witty for both kids and parents, and features a most awesome band doing its theme song and some of the musical numbers (Love Handel is one of my favorite episodes) - that is - the breathtaking Bowling for Soup. (Cele, Burp would LOVE it if he hasn't seen it already.)

Lastly, I heard this song coming home - how is it that a song that came out when I was but a few months old could be a) so fresh today and b) one of my favorite songs ever, much less of the band who plays it? Enjoy. Hope you're getting some sunshine in too where you are. Oh, it snowed in Utah and I wasn't there. YAY!!! (Pants, Yvette, I know it's pretty but come on.)

Well, Maybe Not

Well, the Pack is Back may have been premature (but I really wasn't gloating just happy). All I have to say is on 11/1 if the Vikings don't go down the ghost of Vince Lombardi and Curly Lambeau will rise up and crush Mike McCarthy and Ted Thompson.

Go Pack.

In other "news", we're just plugging along. Little Bit is doing exceedingly well in school, even if I do say so myself, we're planning our trip to Disneyland for Big Bit's college research at Concordia Irvine (also known as I GET TO GO TO DISNEYLAND FOR MY BIRTHDAY! WOOT!) and work is work for TH and I. We feel a little lost not being part of the Mothership because there was such a sense of purpose in our work; now we just have jobs. That's harder to adjust to than we thought. Our indoctrination was thorough and complete, obviously.

And, yes, Cele, I will get my 99 things post done by October 30. I promised. I keep my promises (Pastor Grumm's comments at the time of my divorce notwithstanding).

It's the Aaron Rodgers Era

I'm not totally pleased with what I saw - but -I think the Pack is Back.

I Know. I Heard. But Thanks For Pointing It Out.

I really am going to do my "what I did this summer" post, probably this weekend, with pictures to prove that I actually did activities and had fun. In the meantime, I have one thing to say, to quote the "Meat Packers Union" blog: "There is no I in me". And apparently, misquoting old sports adages isn't the only thing wrong with this man. The only thing I would need to add, if I really wanted to get creative, is some horns. I hope you're happy, dude, because you have only yourself to blame.

I Think The Affair's Really Over This Time

Well, if you follow football, you've heard the news already (ad nauseum if you watch ESPN) and if you don't, you may not care other than the effect it had on me, your (at least online) friend, but my man retired again today.

I do not share the cynical thoughts of many Packer fans, who relegated him from demi-God to Satan's little helper in the course of a few months and are already promoting conspiracy theories picturing him as still trying to go play for Minnesota or (gasp!) Chicago. I think he thought he could prove Ted Thompson wrong, and in many ways, he did. Until he got hurt, he was playing at a high level and his team beat both a team that went to the Super Bowl (Arizona) and the only undefeated team (Tennessee).

So not too damn bad, my man.

Those of us who simply thought you were a hell of a football player, fun to watch play (and just look at) and a devoted father and husband weren't surprised you wanted to play. Yes, we were disappointed that you wanted to play somewhere else, but in a way we understood, and it was still a joy to see you jump around like a kid when you threw a TD pass. We know that someday you'll reclaim your Packer legacy and you still have plenty of support.

Though I'd still like to pair up Little Bit and Breleigh, your daughter has competition now - Malia Obama. So you better make sure she turns out right.

I'll miss you Brett. A lot. When you started playing pro ball I didn't have kids (but you already did). You weren't married (but I already was). I got divorced, you got married, we both had more kids. Oh yeah, I got married again before that. I felt bad when your Dad died and when your saintly wife got cancer. And I'd like to think the support of Packer fans did help all of you through those things. It seems to be so.

We grew up a lot together and both of us had a mighty good time. But I think this time it's really for the best.

Good luck.

Thanks Ted Thompson. You Suck.

A Packer Fan's Lament 2008

sung to the tune of "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt

(full credit to Beer Kid @ Packer Palace)

My Pack ain't brilliant

My Pack ain't good

I saw a devil of that I'm sure

He smiled at me from the skybox, he was with another fan

But I won't lose no sleep on that,'Cause Ted T's got a plan

You're pitiful, You're pitiful,You're pitiful, it's true

I saw your face in a crowded place,and I don't know what to do

'Cause we'll never win with you

Yes, he caught my eye as I beer-runned by

He could see from my face that I was murderous

And I don't hope that I'll see him again

But we shared a moment that will last till the end

You're pitiful, You're pitiful,You're pitiful, it's true

I saw your face in a crowded place and I don't know what to do

'Cause we'll never win with you

Thanksgiving Roundup

We're getting ready to go to Winter Garden Aglow - the Idaho Botanical Gardens puts all kinds of beautiful lights up on their trees and shrubs and charges boatloads of money for the privilege of freezing your butt off and paying extra for mulled wine and hot chocolate.

I'm only kidding. Well, I wish they would drop the price a bit, but the Garden is beautiful and I am going to TRY and take some pics that turn out and post them. Little Bit is very excited and since we've been going to go since...oh...last WEDNESDAY, it's about time we got it done.

It was prevented by a variety of things.

• The house FINALLY closed on Wednesday (yeah!) - we only lost, oh, more money than I care to even think about. But we're out of it and that's what matters - we really didn't even have to make a house payment for a month where none of us lived in it, at least briefly. But, that meant TH had to have everything out of the house Wednesday. Which he did but you can imagine what a pain it was. Thanks to our realtor, Don, that day and friends Ben & Yvette, neighbors Pam and Kenny before that, we got it out. I mean, TH got it out. I'm a sloth and I am ashamed at how little I really did. TH got home to Idaho about 10 p.m.
• Thursday - Had to unload UHaul trailer and back of my Dad's truck - and be to Buhl, ID (very small town by Twin Falls for those of you not familiar with Idaho geography) by 1 p.m. Ha. I finally called Mom and Dad and said I wouldn't see either one of them. I didn't have my aunt's phone number, so she didn't realize I hadn't been hit by a truck until later - I sent her an e-mail after I got home because I was so disgusted that all we did was unload a truck and a trailer all day and had no turkey, mashed potatoes, etc. I did have some deviled eggs because I'd made them first thing that morning. But really. I did get to see part of the Lions game. Holy Cow.
• Friday - Had a glass of wine after work with friend Dana - my bestest friend in Boise - which we haven't gotten to do in like, forever. By the time I realized how late it was getting we were really too late to go see the lights. By now, Little Bit is getting pretty mad, as you can imagine.
• Saturday - Met with realtor regarding possible new houses, ran to Twin Falls to exchange rigs with Dad (who has radiation for another week or so then hopefully is done) and see my Grandma (she's looking good!) and make it home by 6 to see the lights. Again, got here late enough that even Little Bit said - "Let's go tomorrow, Mom."

Now...we are GOING. Additional rants about the stupid Packers, stupid Jets coaching decisions etc. as well as some pictures to come. Hope you had a good Turkey Day. At least the weather here has been beautiful - we walked the doggie on the Greenbelt today and that was very nice indeed.

Sorry, Steve, The Song Remains The Same

Oh, and the Jets lead their division. Overall a fairly good football weekend.

Now if Nevada can beat BSU....

Weekend Update

Thoughts:

The Packers officially suck. I hope they lose the rest of their games this year so Ted Thompson gets his booty fired. He deserves it. "We don't need Brett Favre...nooooo..."

The Jets are doing pretty damn well. Given the fact that TH's ultimate boss at his soon to be ex-place of employment is now threatening to fire people who screw up (because they're so severely understaffed people are tired and angry and screwing up) is the Rams' biggest fan...it just makes the Jets' a--kicking of them today that much more favorable. You go, Mr. Favre. Even if you are washed up.

Jeff Gordon is a damn fine race car driver and should have finished better than 5th in NASCAR. Maybe next year.

I hate the housing market in Utah and I want someone to buy our house so we can breathe a little. PLEASE? If you know anyone who needs a really cool house in a really conservative neighborhood, give me a yell.

I am glad to be home. Even if I'm broke. I'm glad to be employed at a place that seems calm and serene even in the midst of a crisis. And I'm very, very glad to be in a country that can see past the color of someone's skin, or their gender for that matter, when they vote. Despite differences of opinion, the good old USA rocks. Seriously.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled rants.