I'm grateful to JulieAnn for this topic - I've wanted to write for a while, and haven't been able to or truly motivated to - for a variety of reasons. This one, though, resonated so much that I had to write.
My feelings about my time in Utah are fairly well known and documented, on this blog in particular. One thing I loved, though, was the "Radio From Hell" show. I miss Kerry, Bill and Gina.
They made me laugh out loud on the way to work with their dead on assessments of life in Utah. I also, to this day, use the term "asshat", which I quickly appropriated from Bill. I don't know why it made me laugh. But it did.
I don't know if this will lighten things up as much as JA would like - but here goes.
THINGS THAT MUST GO:
1) My thinking I can fix things for people.
2) People who run red lights.
3) Viking fans. (I would have said Bears fans, but I love my cousin, so no go.)
4) People who don't like Boise. That includes the CEO of a certain corporation that shall remain nameless. You don't have to want to live here, mind you, but just be okay with those of us that do.
5) Tea Party members who use racials slurs. Actually, pretty much anybody that uses racial slurs.
6) Things that keep preventing Jeff Gordon from winning a race. Seriously, people, it's getting ridiculous.
7) Rainy weather (at least for a while)!
8) The Denver Nuggets (the Jazz beat them last night and I believe will continue to do so).
9) Brent Fav-rah. 'Nuff said.
10) My worrying about stupid crap I can't control. Enough already. (See #1 above).
Those, in a nutshell, are things that MUST go. Oh, you're right, I have a list of 100 or so more. But that will do for a start.
Showing posts with label random thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random thoughts. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Spring?
They keep saying it's spring. I don't believe it. It snowed here this week. No, it didn't stick BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!
Bogus Basin ski area closes this weekend, and for once, I think the snow is better now than it has been a lot of the season. I guess we'll go skiing - but I really want warmth, sun and to be able to plant my garden.
Bogus Basin ski area closes this weekend, and for once, I think the snow is better now than it has been a lot of the season. I guess we'll go skiing - but I really want warmth, sun and to be able to plant my garden.
I have some better pictures of finches that I got today, but for now, this is the extent of my bird photos - every time I've tried to take their pictures, until yesterday, the damn things flew off.
Bucky got his paws on a squirrel Monday, but it put the afterburners on and escaped. Now there's a dead dove by our back door. Okay, cat, you've done enough damage to the animal kingdom this week, you can take a break.
In other news? I am way behind on my homework for my CEBS certification (but I'm catching up), Big Bit still hasn't chosen a school, but will be here next week and hopefully will do so.
We've booked a trip to celebrate Big Bit's graduation - we're going to Washington, D.C. Thankfully we had enough frequent flyer miles from years of travel and a merger between Northwest and Delta to get plane tickets. We are excited, I've been there for work but only got to visit the Mall area briefly, Big Bit went but there was a hurricane that week and he didn't get to do much, and Little Bit and TH have never been. So this should be fun.
The Green Bay Packers were kind enough to announce a pre-season game in Seattle in August. That will be our other extravagance - it's the only chance I have to watch them this year, so we're going.
Now, if it would just get warm enough to move about freely outside. I have cabin fever in the worst way.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Talk Thursday - Spin
I haven't blogged much lately - I would say I don't know why, but I do know. For years I've been preaching to myself "simplify" because my world seems to be in a perpetual spin. There is something of an ebb and flow to this, but for the most part, I feel like I'm on a merry-go-round and can't get off.
First of all, of course, there's work. The job's not terribly difficult, most days, and I've made some emotional adjustments so I can handle it better, but I struggle between thinking I should work a regular 8-5 schedule (for the most part) and the flexible schedule I'm currently on. It sounds great - every other Monday off - but the extra time I'm at work in the other days seems to throw me off. If I could just get up in the morning, I could get to work earlier and I'm sure the days wouldn't seem so long.
Then, there's life! TH is in Portland this week for work - may I mention how much better things worked for me when I was the one that traveled for work? Little Bit has been pretty good, but he likes to trot out his rebelliousness at the moment it's least needed - when getting ready for school, church, etc.
I've taken up piano since Christmas - TH gave me a lovely keyboard. I've always wanted to play, and enjoying lessons with friend Allen, but it's another thing I have to do everyday.
I've also been doing the Wii Fit the last few weeks - at least 30 minutes 5 times a week. Yet again, another thing I have to do.
That doesn't include laundry, shopping and all that stuff that just has to be done.
I haven't blogged, haven't really read blogs, haven't e-mailed Psam back and she probably thinks she pissed me off (she didn't, she has really good insight like her Mom), I have just run on the treadmill.
For Lent, you have to give something up (well, you don't in my church, but being more thoughtful about your life and relationship to God is strongly encouraged). I'm giving up The Spin. What does that mean exactly? I have 40 days to figure it out. I'll keep you posted.
First of all, of course, there's work. The job's not terribly difficult, most days, and I've made some emotional adjustments so I can handle it better, but I struggle between thinking I should work a regular 8-5 schedule (for the most part) and the flexible schedule I'm currently on. It sounds great - every other Monday off - but the extra time I'm at work in the other days seems to throw me off. If I could just get up in the morning, I could get to work earlier and I'm sure the days wouldn't seem so long.
Then, there's life! TH is in Portland this week for work - may I mention how much better things worked for me when I was the one that traveled for work? Little Bit has been pretty good, but he likes to trot out his rebelliousness at the moment it's least needed - when getting ready for school, church, etc.
I've taken up piano since Christmas - TH gave me a lovely keyboard. I've always wanted to play, and enjoying lessons with friend Allen, but it's another thing I have to do everyday.
I've also been doing the Wii Fit the last few weeks - at least 30 minutes 5 times a week. Yet again, another thing I have to do.
That doesn't include laundry, shopping and all that stuff that just has to be done.
I haven't blogged, haven't really read blogs, haven't e-mailed Psam back and she probably thinks she pissed me off (she didn't, she has really good insight like her Mom), I have just run on the treadmill.
For Lent, you have to give something up (well, you don't in my church, but being more thoughtful about your life and relationship to God is strongly encouraged). I'm giving up The Spin. What does that mean exactly? I have 40 days to figure it out. I'll keep you posted.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Role Models
I was out posting on a Packers blog last night (http://www.packergeeks.com/) in case you are interested - and over the last day I have had an exchange with a guy named Phil Hanrahan. Phil is a Wisconsin native who wrote a book called "Life After Favre". Phil seems to be a really nice guy and a good writer - we've chatted a bit at Cheeseheadtv.com (no, it's not an internet stalker thing, we briefly discussed my old flame Fuzzy Thurston). I highly recommend his book - not just because you might be a Packers fan (and yes you should be, Steven) but because it's an interesting portrait of a town and its kindred spirits (like me) that kind of lost its center a little over a year ago, and how they began to recover that center.
Should a sports team, or a first round Hall of Fame quarterback be your center? Perhaps not. And maybe I'm exaggerating a bit. But the town of Green Bay seemed a bit hollow after last summer. So did I, in a way, sadly enough - and that brought me to the next thought.
Sir Charles Barkley once famously said that athletes "shouldn't be role models". Bullshit. Yes, I said it. I agree that pastors, firefighters, policemen, honest politicians, teachers, parents and so on should be role models as well. But here's the thing - athletes get paid for doing what they love to do for a living - and often quite handsomely. Is it a bad thing to show kids that you really can do what you love for a living, even if that things is "playing"? (I don't think it installs in these kids that "I too can be Sir Charles Barkley - at least in most kids). Do you think that if you asked most firemen if they'd rather be the starting quarterback for (insert favorite team) instead of what they're doing that they'd say no? I really, honestly think not.
Kids figure out that parents, teachers etc. are not perfect WAY before they figure it out about the athletes they admire (if any, of course). It isn't right they should believe that an athlete is right about anything, or perfect by any means, but the longer they look up to that example - a good one - the more they can be inspired to do what they love and to do good things for others. A lot of these guys have charitable foundations and endeavors that are quite worthy.
That's why Judas showing his colors bothered me so much. It wasn't that I thought he was perfect - far from it. Child out of wedlock, Vicodin and alcohol addiction, you name it, he's probably done it - and been caught at it. And, seemingly, had taken responsibility for it and grown as a person, as one does in these situations if handled in the best way possible. It's that he displayed, in a very public way, what he thought of the people he professed to love, those who supported him through his very public trials and humiliations with true forgiveness and not just because he was a "winner". Packer Nation loved him also because of the personality he displayed, the joy of playing and the joy of sharing those moments with fans. Professional athletes, people are watching you.
So if you are in a position where you get to do what you love to do, and get paid handsomely for it, you are a role model (this goes for actors too, but more so sports figures). It doesn't mean you have to be perfect. It means you should be honest, you should never be Tiger Woods (that many mistakes, anyone can screw up in life, but really on this one sheesh), and you should accept that you have a responsibility to the kids of this country.
Whether you want it or not.
'Nuff said.
Should a sports team, or a first round Hall of Fame quarterback be your center? Perhaps not. And maybe I'm exaggerating a bit. But the town of Green Bay seemed a bit hollow after last summer. So did I, in a way, sadly enough - and that brought me to the next thought.
Sir Charles Barkley once famously said that athletes "shouldn't be role models". Bullshit. Yes, I said it. I agree that pastors, firefighters, policemen, honest politicians, teachers, parents and so on should be role models as well. But here's the thing - athletes get paid for doing what they love to do for a living - and often quite handsomely. Is it a bad thing to show kids that you really can do what you love for a living, even if that things is "playing"? (I don't think it installs in these kids that "I too can be Sir Charles Barkley - at least in most kids). Do you think that if you asked most firemen if they'd rather be the starting quarterback for (insert favorite team) instead of what they're doing that they'd say no? I really, honestly think not.
Kids figure out that parents, teachers etc. are not perfect WAY before they figure it out about the athletes they admire (if any, of course). It isn't right they should believe that an athlete is right about anything, or perfect by any means, but the longer they look up to that example - a good one - the more they can be inspired to do what they love and to do good things for others. A lot of these guys have charitable foundations and endeavors that are quite worthy.
That's why Judas showing his colors bothered me so much. It wasn't that I thought he was perfect - far from it. Child out of wedlock, Vicodin and alcohol addiction, you name it, he's probably done it - and been caught at it. And, seemingly, had taken responsibility for it and grown as a person, as one does in these situations if handled in the best way possible. It's that he displayed, in a very public way, what he thought of the people he professed to love, those who supported him through his very public trials and humiliations with true forgiveness and not just because he was a "winner". Packer Nation loved him also because of the personality he displayed, the joy of playing and the joy of sharing those moments with fans. Professional athletes, people are watching you.
So if you are in a position where you get to do what you love to do, and get paid handsomely for it, you are a role model (this goes for actors too, but more so sports figures). It doesn't mean you have to be perfect. It means you should be honest, you should never be Tiger Woods (that many mistakes, anyone can screw up in life, but really on this one sheesh), and you should accept that you have a responsibility to the kids of this country.
Whether you want it or not.
'Nuff said.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Talk Thursday - Appreciate, Communicate, Validate
Wow, I am going to be an epic fail when it gets to be my turn to suggest the Talk Thursday topic. You guys are all too good!
I'm passing on the Sex and Tattoos one. My mom reads my blog. No, Mom, I don't have a tattoo.
I appreciated this topic - see, I'm already on task! I think the reason I did is because I've recently realized that one of the people in my life I need to do all three things with - is - myself.
Now hear me out, because I know that sounds self-centered. But all my life, I've had high expectations for myself. Others had those same expectations. I was supposed to "be a contender".
Note: I've always been harder on myself than anyone else can be. If you're going to yell at me or criticize me, I've already done it 100 times harder in my head. So you might want to skip doing it. This makes me have a hard time appreciating what abilities I possess, or how good my life really is.
For a long time, I felt like I wasn't living up to my potential. My grades in college were adequate, at best. I worked for a bank and felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. My marriage was...well, it was what it was.
Over the last 15 years, I've kind of come full circle. I found an employer I LOVED, then had to leave it when it changed ideals, and not for the better. As a workforce we were inspired to do well because it was all for one and one for all. Our CEO was the BEST EVER (we really thought that, and maybe it was true at one time).
Now I am in a "job", as I've mentioned before. I didn't realize how much I used my career to validate myself, but over the last year it's become very apparent. Until around 12 years ago, that was never the case. I was always in a "job". I'm just not used to that. I am learning to validate myself more in other ways, as a person, a friend, a Mom and a wife. I always did that to a certain extent but my perspective has shifted. And that is a good thing.
And, a little out of order, but I have to better communicate with myself. Communicate with myself? Sounds odd. But, my inner voice doesn't always encourage me like it should. Fairly common problem, but I keep hearing this "as you get older you get more self-confident or at least more accepting of your faults". Whatever. I'm working on it.
Because if I can get better at all of these things for myself, I'm just going to be that much better at it for all of the people I care about.
I'm passing on the Sex and Tattoos one. My mom reads my blog. No, Mom, I don't have a tattoo.
I appreciated this topic - see, I'm already on task! I think the reason I did is because I've recently realized that one of the people in my life I need to do all three things with - is - myself.
Now hear me out, because I know that sounds self-centered. But all my life, I've had high expectations for myself. Others had those same expectations. I was supposed to "be a contender".
Note: I've always been harder on myself than anyone else can be. If you're going to yell at me or criticize me, I've already done it 100 times harder in my head. So you might want to skip doing it. This makes me have a hard time appreciating what abilities I possess, or how good my life really is.
For a long time, I felt like I wasn't living up to my potential. My grades in college were adequate, at best. I worked for a bank and felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. My marriage was...well, it was what it was.
Over the last 15 years, I've kind of come full circle. I found an employer I LOVED, then had to leave it when it changed ideals, and not for the better. As a workforce we were inspired to do well because it was all for one and one for all. Our CEO was the BEST EVER (we really thought that, and maybe it was true at one time).
Now I am in a "job", as I've mentioned before. I didn't realize how much I used my career to validate myself, but over the last year it's become very apparent. Until around 12 years ago, that was never the case. I was always in a "job". I'm just not used to that. I am learning to validate myself more in other ways, as a person, a friend, a Mom and a wife. I always did that to a certain extent but my perspective has shifted. And that is a good thing.
And, a little out of order, but I have to better communicate with myself. Communicate with myself? Sounds odd. But, my inner voice doesn't always encourage me like it should. Fairly common problem, but I keep hearing this "as you get older you get more self-confident or at least more accepting of your faults". Whatever. I'm working on it.
Because if I can get better at all of these things for myself, I'm just going to be that much better at it for all of the people I care about.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
And Now This Message
I'll try and knock out the Talk Thursday I have drafted, but since it's been a while since I posted, in case you thought I was missing in action, I stole Cele's meme.
1. What is your occupation right now? Group Insurance Manager. Yes, it's as fascinating as it sounds, some days.
2. What color are your socks right now? White. I'm boring.
3. What are you listening to right now? Nothing, though I listened to Chris Brown on YouTube a few minutes ago. I KNOW. But "Crawl" is actually a good song, the first of his I've heard that I liked. Anxious to hear if Big Bit likes it too.
4. What was the last thing you ate? Nalley's Jalapeno Chili. It's sodium death in a bowl and I'm watching my blood pressure but it's spicy - and good - and I try to limit my exposure.
5. Can you drive a stick shift? I wish everything was a stick shift, unless I'm in San Francisco on Lombard. We had a Corvette (used) at one point that was an automatic. It was kind of anticlimactic if you know what I mean. I taught Big Bit to drive our stick shift over Thanksgiving. It was pretty funny and brought back memories of me at 14.
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My Mom.
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Cele thought I was too busy to do this - and since I haven't posted for two weeks she might be right - but I like her very much.
8. How old are you today? 43 years, 1 month and 7 days. But I feel 16 most days. Mentally, not physically.
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Green Bay Packer Football
10. What is your favorite drink? Ravenswood San Giacomo Chardonnay. To die for.
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? I did for the last 12 years, but quit this summer. Oddly, my hair has red highlights in it now (the color it was dyed) which seems to be permanent. It really has to be all grown out and my hair is used to be mousy brown.
12. Favorite food? It depends on the day. Kind of all over the place, but I'd say either Basque (as eaten at Epi's or Gernika) or Chinese (as eaten in London or sometimes at PF Chang's.)
13. What is the last movie you watched? I stayed up until 2:30 a.m. this morning because Four Weddings and a Funeral was on. Which is sad, because I own it. But nothing beats Hugh Grant cuteness 15 years ago.
14. Favorite day of the year? Somewhat tied between Halloween and Christmas, for a variety of reasons.
15. How do you vent anger? Drink. Just kidding. Sort of. Complain a lot, I guess.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? My pony. Yes, it was a real pony.
17. What is your favorite season? Summer. I'm not as much of a lizard as I used to be but I still sure like it.
18. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries when it's pie, blueberries when it's yogurt.
19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Always. But, if your e-mail is overtly political, it probably isn't the same as mine, so don't bother because I wouldn't do that to you, and I don't respond to chain e-mails or forward them so just be forewarned.
20. Who is the most likely to respond? Probably no one. I think most of the people who would have already did it.
21. Who is least likely to respond? See above. Or Cousin Steve.
22. Living arrangements? With husband and small son in Leave It To Beaver house (seriously, it was built in 1956).
23. When was the last time you cried? Last night, long story.
24. What is on the floor of your closet? shoes and carpet
25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to? Not tagging anyone. I don't mind if people tag me, but I don't often tag others.
26. What did you do last night? Stayed up until 2 a.m. watching movies. Urgh. I am tired today.
27. What are you most afraid of? Death. Christians aren't supposed to be, but I am and there you are.
28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? TH's cheeseburgers with PepperJack cheese and roasted jalapenos on them are yummy indeed.
29. What is your favorite kind of dog? Beagle. Though I love our 11 year old Lab, since she is no longer a puppy.
30. What is your favorite day of the week? Saturday.
31. How many states have you lived in? 3 - Nevada (17 years total), Utah (3 of the longest years of my life), Idaho - (23 years total).
32. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds.
33. What is your favorite flower? Iris or maybe Lilacs
34. What are your favorite two movies of all time? Love, Actually and Four Weddings and a Funeral (although I really have four, Pride and Prejudice (with Colin Firth) and Sense and Sensibility (yes, there is a Hugh Grant theme to this list).
1. What is your occupation right now? Group Insurance Manager. Yes, it's as fascinating as it sounds, some days.
2. What color are your socks right now? White. I'm boring.
3. What are you listening to right now? Nothing, though I listened to Chris Brown on YouTube a few minutes ago. I KNOW. But "Crawl" is actually a good song, the first of his I've heard that I liked. Anxious to hear if Big Bit likes it too.
4. What was the last thing you ate? Nalley's Jalapeno Chili. It's sodium death in a bowl and I'm watching my blood pressure but it's spicy - and good - and I try to limit my exposure.
5. Can you drive a stick shift? I wish everything was a stick shift, unless I'm in San Francisco on Lombard. We had a Corvette (used) at one point that was an automatic. It was kind of anticlimactic if you know what I mean. I taught Big Bit to drive our stick shift over Thanksgiving. It was pretty funny and brought back memories of me at 14.
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My Mom.
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Cele thought I was too busy to do this - and since I haven't posted for two weeks she might be right - but I like her very much.
8. How old are you today? 43 years, 1 month and 7 days. But I feel 16 most days. Mentally, not physically.
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Green Bay Packer Football
10. What is your favorite drink? Ravenswood San Giacomo Chardonnay. To die for.
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? I did for the last 12 years, but quit this summer. Oddly, my hair has red highlights in it now (the color it was dyed) which seems to be permanent. It really has to be all grown out and my hair is used to be mousy brown.
12. Favorite food? It depends on the day. Kind of all over the place, but I'd say either Basque (as eaten at Epi's or Gernika) or Chinese (as eaten in London or sometimes at PF Chang's.)
13. What is the last movie you watched? I stayed up until 2:30 a.m. this morning because Four Weddings and a Funeral was on. Which is sad, because I own it. But nothing beats Hugh Grant cuteness 15 years ago.
14. Favorite day of the year? Somewhat tied between Halloween and Christmas, for a variety of reasons.
15. How do you vent anger? Drink. Just kidding. Sort of. Complain a lot, I guess.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? My pony. Yes, it was a real pony.
17. What is your favorite season? Summer. I'm not as much of a lizard as I used to be but I still sure like it.
18. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries when it's pie, blueberries when it's yogurt.
19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Always. But, if your e-mail is overtly political, it probably isn't the same as mine, so don't bother because I wouldn't do that to you, and I don't respond to chain e-mails or forward them so just be forewarned.
20. Who is the most likely to respond? Probably no one. I think most of the people who would have already did it.
21. Who is least likely to respond? See above. Or Cousin Steve.
22. Living arrangements? With husband and small son in Leave It To Beaver house (seriously, it was built in 1956).
23. When was the last time you cried? Last night, long story.
24. What is on the floor of your closet? shoes and carpet
25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to? Not tagging anyone. I don't mind if people tag me, but I don't often tag others.
26. What did you do last night? Stayed up until 2 a.m. watching movies. Urgh. I am tired today.
27. What are you most afraid of? Death. Christians aren't supposed to be, but I am and there you are.
28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? TH's cheeseburgers with PepperJack cheese and roasted jalapenos on them are yummy indeed.
29. What is your favorite kind of dog? Beagle. Though I love our 11 year old Lab, since she is no longer a puppy.
30. What is your favorite day of the week? Saturday.
31. How many states have you lived in? 3 - Nevada (17 years total), Utah (3 of the longest years of my life), Idaho - (23 years total).
32. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds.
33. What is your favorite flower? Iris or maybe Lilacs
34. What are your favorite two movies of all time? Love, Actually and Four Weddings and a Funeral (although I really have four, Pride and Prejudice (with Colin Firth) and Sense and Sensibility (yes, there is a Hugh Grant theme to this list).
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Life Altering Truths
Cele invited me to be part of Talk Thursday. I've followed this for a while - a topic is suggested by one of the contributors and then everyone writes on this subject (am I missing anything Cele?).
I've found the entries really enlightening. I'm a bit hesitant here because, well, sometimes things get disclosed in the contributions, as I've seen. But here goes and we'll see how I go with this. At any rate I thank Cele for the invite.
I'm somewhat of a believer in something of a life altering truth - epiphanies. I've had a few in my life and they honestly have always led me to the better, or to the worse if I've ignored them. I haven't had one in a while but I'll never turn one down. I can always use some guidance. I prefer to think of it as Divine Guidance but you can call it what you will.
I think maybe the first life altering truth I had is when I realized I didn't want to be married anymore. Let me be clear - when I got married I meant to be always. Most everyone does. However, most everyone, hell, anyone, shouldn't be 18 when they get married.
I don't think I got married for the "right" reasons because I was too young to know what the "right" reasons felt like. I was shy, skinny, had a "prominent" nose as my friend Karee used to say and when a guy who seemed to have a sparkling personality, athletic grace and a propensity to like me came along, I jumped. I was already engaged to a wonderful guy who did not deserve me (and I mean that in the best way, he would have been miserable). What the hell was I thinking that I was ready to make such decisions? But EHFH's confidence was irresistible and he reminded me of my high school boyfriend James (of the infamous Facebook incident) who, as I look back on it now, treated me as if I didn't deserve him (in the worst possible way) and I just put up with it. For a few years, actually.
If you looked at me from the outside, you would have said I was a damn lucky kid (and you would have been right). Brand new car as an 18th birthday present, okay grades, some good friends, size 3 jeans (I KNOW!) and a pretty bright future. But I still felt awkward and like I didn't fit in. EHFH seemed to save me from all that because he promised in some odd way that I "belonged".
My friend Renee has a daughter who got married a little later than I did in life, but not much, and she, like me had an agenda: get married. finish college. have a baby once financially able to support baby. have another baby two years later. have a nice big house...blah, blah, blah. (Actually, her daughter is much less shallow than I think I was at that age and has accomplished most of these things anyway). But for anyone to think life can be planned out is nonsensical. You can try, but you aren't in control of anything, really.
After the "first" baby, certain things became painfully clear. Eighteen year olds, really, are all very, very much alike. Twenty-six year olds are not. For the first time in my life I saw my full potential not just as a mother and a wife to someone who considered me an equal partner but in my career, life choices and so on as well. And I knew I needed more. And yes, I deserved more. It may sound selfish, but I really don't look at it that way. It would have been very selfish to the EHFH and to Big Bit to remain in a relationship that had become untenable. It probably would have destroyed me ultimately as well.
I won't go into detail on what precipitated the epiphany, because I'm not especially proud of all aspects of my behavior, but let me state clearly that once I had that epiphany I moved quickly to do the right thing, and let both of us try to get to what we really wanted in life and provide Big Bit a more stable environment. For this, in many ways, I've been punished financially, emotionally and socially. I am proud of the fact that Big Bit has been with us a lot, in fact lived with us for a while and that I've been an effective parent to him. We have a bond that I am not sure would be any stronger if he'd never left my roof.
But I stand by my decision, and for me, the life altering truth is this - as Andie MacDowell said in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" - "As John Lennon said, who died the same year as my father, All You Need is Love."
Real, mature love. Some people who marry as teenagers or barely over can make this transition. Many, many can not. And I still think I made the right decision. My divorce/custody attorney said to me, after we didn't get custody of Big Bit when he started school - "Tell me this, would you rather still be married to him?"
No contest, Steve. You may have not proven to be a great attorney, but at that moment, when I was at an all time low, you gave me another life altering truth. And I would need it going forward.
I've found the entries really enlightening. I'm a bit hesitant here because, well, sometimes things get disclosed in the contributions, as I've seen. But here goes and we'll see how I go with this. At any rate I thank Cele for the invite.
I'm somewhat of a believer in something of a life altering truth - epiphanies. I've had a few in my life and they honestly have always led me to the better, or to the worse if I've ignored them. I haven't had one in a while but I'll never turn one down. I can always use some guidance. I prefer to think of it as Divine Guidance but you can call it what you will.
I think maybe the first life altering truth I had is when I realized I didn't want to be married anymore. Let me be clear - when I got married I meant to be always. Most everyone does. However, most everyone, hell, anyone, shouldn't be 18 when they get married.
I don't think I got married for the "right" reasons because I was too young to know what the "right" reasons felt like. I was shy, skinny, had a "prominent" nose as my friend Karee used to say and when a guy who seemed to have a sparkling personality, athletic grace and a propensity to like me came along, I jumped. I was already engaged to a wonderful guy who did not deserve me (and I mean that in the best way, he would have been miserable). What the hell was I thinking that I was ready to make such decisions? But EHFH's confidence was irresistible and he reminded me of my high school boyfriend James (of the infamous Facebook incident) who, as I look back on it now, treated me as if I didn't deserve him (in the worst possible way) and I just put up with it. For a few years, actually.
If you looked at me from the outside, you would have said I was a damn lucky kid (and you would have been right). Brand new car as an 18th birthday present, okay grades, some good friends, size 3 jeans (I KNOW!) and a pretty bright future. But I still felt awkward and like I didn't fit in. EHFH seemed to save me from all that because he promised in some odd way that I "belonged".
My friend Renee has a daughter who got married a little later than I did in life, but not much, and she, like me had an agenda: get married. finish college. have a baby once financially able to support baby. have another baby two years later. have a nice big house...blah, blah, blah. (Actually, her daughter is much less shallow than I think I was at that age and has accomplished most of these things anyway). But for anyone to think life can be planned out is nonsensical. You can try, but you aren't in control of anything, really.
After the "first" baby, certain things became painfully clear. Eighteen year olds, really, are all very, very much alike. Twenty-six year olds are not. For the first time in my life I saw my full potential not just as a mother and a wife to someone who considered me an equal partner but in my career, life choices and so on as well. And I knew I needed more. And yes, I deserved more. It may sound selfish, but I really don't look at it that way. It would have been very selfish to the EHFH and to Big Bit to remain in a relationship that had become untenable. It probably would have destroyed me ultimately as well.
I won't go into detail on what precipitated the epiphany, because I'm not especially proud of all aspects of my behavior, but let me state clearly that once I had that epiphany I moved quickly to do the right thing, and let both of us try to get to what we really wanted in life and provide Big Bit a more stable environment. For this, in many ways, I've been punished financially, emotionally and socially. I am proud of the fact that Big Bit has been with us a lot, in fact lived with us for a while and that I've been an effective parent to him. We have a bond that I am not sure would be any stronger if he'd never left my roof.
But I stand by my decision, and for me, the life altering truth is this - as Andie MacDowell said in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" - "As John Lennon said, who died the same year as my father, All You Need is Love."
Real, mature love. Some people who marry as teenagers or barely over can make this transition. Many, many can not. And I still think I made the right decision. My divorce/custody attorney said to me, after we didn't get custody of Big Bit when he started school - "Tell me this, would you rather still be married to him?"
No contest, Steve. You may have not proven to be a great attorney, but at that moment, when I was at an all time low, you gave me another life altering truth. And I would need it going forward.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
100 things
I'm 11 days late and a dollar short, but I'm giving it a try.
1) The first guy I kissed outside of family was Jeff Sirrine in 3rd grade.
2) I love the Green Bay Packers (duh). My father imprinted it on me and now he's trying to renige! No fair!
3) I hate the Denver Broncos (sorry, I'm sports themed right now it will change).
4) I wish I'd gone to the University of Idaho.
5) For some strange reason, I like my alma mater. I guess it's because I made it out with a sheepskin.
6) My left foot is longer than my right foot. Blame my grandmother, I do.
7) I was supposed to be a boy.
8) I met Waylon Jennings three times. And Jessie. And Shooter (who's Drea deMatteo's baby daddy).
9) I love beagles.
10) I love Siamese cats.
11) I secretly wonder if I'm related to Princess Diana. (there's a long shot on it.)
12) I'm really glad I had two kids. I hated being an only child (most of the time).
13) I loved David Cassidy at age 3. I wonder about myself.
14) I looked so much like a boy when I was 6 people mistook me for one.
15) I hated living in Utah.
16) I felt bad that I hated living in Utah based on the fact it was my idea and I talked my family into it.
17) I tried to run away and get married before I actually did to the EHFH. Elko doesn't have wedding chapels which was a sign I ignored.
18) I wanted to major in range management at Idaho but I was scared of the math.
19) I kill house plants inadvertently.
20) I got made fun of as a child by my older cousins because I knew big words. I was perversely proud of that for some reason. Perversely is a big word.
21) I skipped first grade.
22) I hate the Grateful Dead.
23) I am clumsy as hell.
24) I was a cheerleader my senior year (see above, it must not have been a popularity contest - nope, it wasn't. But at least I knew who had the damn ball in football games.)
25) I like to mow the lawn (I'm sure you're all bored by now, it's all downhill from here)!
26) Halloween is my favorite holiday. (Closely followed by Christmas).
27) Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday (family tragedy years ago, will never go away).
28) I am secretly irritated my sons did not inherit my or my father's blue eyes.
29) I didn't get baptized until I was (I think) 21.
30) I wore size 0 jeans when I graduated from high school. If only now.
31) I wore a suit from Victoria's Secret at my second wedding. (It was tasteful).
32) I think people who have 18 kids have serious issues.
33) I'm more than a little scared by the health care bill but I trust my President. Not blindly, I just trust he's more like me than people think he is.
34) I am a fourth generation Idahoan and terribly proud of that fact.
35) I wish to this day I hadn't been so fair in my divorce and that Big Bit would have always lived with me. I did the "right thing". My fault totally.
36) I am very proud of the families I come from and the influence they have had on who I am.
37) I wish I trusted my own instincts more.
38) I love my house.
39) I am really horrible at keeping in touch with people and I feel guilty over it.
40) I am not a good housekeeper most of the time.
41) I saw Garth Brooks for free before anyone knew who he was.
42) I was listening to an AM radio station from LA when John Lennon was shot. I still remember the shock and amazement.
43) I remember man landing on the Moon (my grandmother and I shared this as a wonder. I was 2.5 years old when it happened but I do remember it.)
44) The first diamond I ever got was from a guy in the Army stationed in Killeen, TX (special resonance this week).
45) I love to read.
46) I am shy.
47) My nose is crooked. (broken, I believe, twice.)
48) I love Big Bit's pet rabbit far more than I wanted to or planned on.
49) I make a mean homemade (from scratch totally) pumpkin pie.
50) I am really going to miss my grandmother over the holidays. (duh.)
51) I wish my Dad would quit smoking. (duh part 2)
52) I remember my parents letting me out of my car seat ( I don't hold it against them, it was the 60's.)
53) I wish I was still in touch with the maid of honor from my 1st wedding. I'm not sure why we aren't to be honest.
54) Even on the days I want to strangle him I thank God for having TH come into my life. I m.ght have been okay without him - but I am not always sure about that.
55) I am thankful TH agreed to have Little Bit (even on the days I want to strangle Little Bit.)
56) I thought Little Bit was a girl and was (slightly) disappointed he wasn't, until he was born.
57) I hope my boys are close when they grow up, but I'm scared they won't be.
58) I love the show Mad Men on AMC.
59) Jane Austen novels are the best.
60) I tried marijuana twice but I didn't inhale. I believe Bill Clinton.
61) I cried today during the service for the Fort Hood casualties.
62) I can't sing karaoke.
63) I believe that God has a plan because there have been too many weird coincidences in my life.
64) I am okay if you don't believe #63. Honest.
65) Four Weddings and a Funeral is my favorite movie ever.
66) I think everyone's pretty much quit reading my blog because they disapprove. But, this is me, warts and all.
67) If I hit the lottery I might be Cele's next door neigbor, I love the Oregon Coast.
68) I've spoken to David Coverdale (lead singer of Whitesnake) on the phone more than once.
69) I was the boss of David's current wife (not Tawny Kitaen) when she first met him.
70) I love NASCAR, and Jeff Gordon in particular.
71) I have made at least three friends that I think I'll have for life. Hopefully more.
72) I wish Corey and Aaron at Cheeseheadtv.com would at least acknowledge my existence.
73) My grandmother thought that I was meant to be born in to my family.
74) I hate Lawrence Welk more than life itself.
75) I think Episode I-III of Star Wars (the later ones) suck!
76) I am a closet Trekkie.
77) I learned WAY more about the Mormon Church when I was in Utah than I wanted to.
78) I hate JarJar Binks (see #75).
79) I'm saying "I" too many times here, but I think that's a function of the exercise?
80) Sonoma Valley is one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen.
81) I love nice restaurants.
82) I have more of a problem being a woman in sole support of the family than I wish I had (I'm not right now, but was in the past for good reason).
83) I really want to be a stay at home Mom for the next 7 years.
84) I probably would go crazy being a stay at home Mom (see dichotomy with #83. Another big word, I'm on a roll!)
85) I had a crush on Michael Landon in Bonanza.
86) I killed Conway Twitty. Well, I went to see him the weekend before he died, and really didn't want to, so the joke (if there could be one, I'm sure he was a nice man) is that I killed him.
87) I'm cheap in ways I don't want to be and extravagant in ways I don't want to be.
88) I am eternally grateful my parents paid my way through college.
89) I like to proofread. (Just not on my blog.)
90) Las Vegas Rocks!
91) I won't lose more than $30 a night gambling.
92) I didn't see a Star Wars movie until I saw "The Empire Strikes Back" with my uncle and cousin. Then I liked it.
93) I hope Idaho beats Boise State Saturday. Sorry, I can't help it.
94) I went to see the Spice Girls willingly.
95) I still dance to "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go".
96) As big of a problem as I have with the Mormon Church, I have something of a really odd crush on Donny Osmond.
97) I like to ski.
98) I'm glad my aunt is hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year because I know it's a huge pain for her.
99) I can't believe a house build in the 1950's is as energy efficient as ours is.
100) I hope this didn't bore anyone who bothered to read it.
1) The first guy I kissed outside of family was Jeff Sirrine in 3rd grade.
2) I love the Green Bay Packers (duh). My father imprinted it on me and now he's trying to renige! No fair!
3) I hate the Denver Broncos (sorry, I'm sports themed right now it will change).
4) I wish I'd gone to the University of Idaho.
5) For some strange reason, I like my alma mater. I guess it's because I made it out with a sheepskin.
6) My left foot is longer than my right foot. Blame my grandmother, I do.
7) I was supposed to be a boy.
8) I met Waylon Jennings three times. And Jessie. And Shooter (who's Drea deMatteo's baby daddy).
9) I love beagles.
10) I love Siamese cats.
11) I secretly wonder if I'm related to Princess Diana. (there's a long shot on it.)
12) I'm really glad I had two kids. I hated being an only child (most of the time).
13) I loved David Cassidy at age 3. I wonder about myself.
14) I looked so much like a boy when I was 6 people mistook me for one.
15) I hated living in Utah.
16) I felt bad that I hated living in Utah based on the fact it was my idea and I talked my family into it.
17) I tried to run away and get married before I actually did to the EHFH. Elko doesn't have wedding chapels which was a sign I ignored.
18) I wanted to major in range management at Idaho but I was scared of the math.
19) I kill house plants inadvertently.
20) I got made fun of as a child by my older cousins because I knew big words. I was perversely proud of that for some reason. Perversely is a big word.
21) I skipped first grade.
22) I hate the Grateful Dead.
23) I am clumsy as hell.
24) I was a cheerleader my senior year (see above, it must not have been a popularity contest - nope, it wasn't. But at least I knew who had the damn ball in football games.)
25) I like to mow the lawn (I'm sure you're all bored by now, it's all downhill from here)!
26) Halloween is my favorite holiday. (Closely followed by Christmas).
27) Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday (family tragedy years ago, will never go away).
28) I am secretly irritated my sons did not inherit my or my father's blue eyes.
29) I didn't get baptized until I was (I think) 21.
30) I wore size 0 jeans when I graduated from high school. If only now.
31) I wore a suit from Victoria's Secret at my second wedding. (It was tasteful).
32) I think people who have 18 kids have serious issues.
33) I'm more than a little scared by the health care bill but I trust my President. Not blindly, I just trust he's more like me than people think he is.
34) I am a fourth generation Idahoan and terribly proud of that fact.
35) I wish to this day I hadn't been so fair in my divorce and that Big Bit would have always lived with me. I did the "right thing". My fault totally.
36) I am very proud of the families I come from and the influence they have had on who I am.
37) I wish I trusted my own instincts more.
38) I love my house.
39) I am really horrible at keeping in touch with people and I feel guilty over it.
40) I am not a good housekeeper most of the time.
41) I saw Garth Brooks for free before anyone knew who he was.
42) I was listening to an AM radio station from LA when John Lennon was shot. I still remember the shock and amazement.
43) I remember man landing on the Moon (my grandmother and I shared this as a wonder. I was 2.5 years old when it happened but I do remember it.)
44) The first diamond I ever got was from a guy in the Army stationed in Killeen, TX (special resonance this week).
45) I love to read.
46) I am shy.
47) My nose is crooked. (broken, I believe, twice.)
48) I love Big Bit's pet rabbit far more than I wanted to or planned on.
49) I make a mean homemade (from scratch totally) pumpkin pie.
50) I am really going to miss my grandmother over the holidays. (duh.)
51) I wish my Dad would quit smoking. (duh part 2)
52) I remember my parents letting me out of my car seat ( I don't hold it against them, it was the 60's.)
53) I wish I was still in touch with the maid of honor from my 1st wedding. I'm not sure why we aren't to be honest.
54) Even on the days I want to strangle him I thank God for having TH come into my life. I m.ght have been okay without him - but I am not always sure about that.
55) I am thankful TH agreed to have Little Bit (even on the days I want to strangle Little Bit.)
56) I thought Little Bit was a girl and was (slightly) disappointed he wasn't, until he was born.
57) I hope my boys are close when they grow up, but I'm scared they won't be.
58) I love the show Mad Men on AMC.
59) Jane Austen novels are the best.
60) I tried marijuana twice but I didn't inhale. I believe Bill Clinton.
61) I cried today during the service for the Fort Hood casualties.
62) I can't sing karaoke.
63) I believe that God has a plan because there have been too many weird coincidences in my life.
64) I am okay if you don't believe #63. Honest.
65) Four Weddings and a Funeral is my favorite movie ever.
66) I think everyone's pretty much quit reading my blog because they disapprove. But, this is me, warts and all.
67) If I hit the lottery I might be Cele's next door neigbor, I love the Oregon Coast.
68) I've spoken to David Coverdale (lead singer of Whitesnake) on the phone more than once.
69) I was the boss of David's current wife (not Tawny Kitaen) when she first met him.
70) I love NASCAR, and Jeff Gordon in particular.
71) I have made at least three friends that I think I'll have for life. Hopefully more.
72) I wish Corey and Aaron at Cheeseheadtv.com would at least acknowledge my existence.
73) My grandmother thought that I was meant to be born in to my family.
74) I hate Lawrence Welk more than life itself.
75) I think Episode I-III of Star Wars (the later ones) suck!
76) I am a closet Trekkie.
77) I learned WAY more about the Mormon Church when I was in Utah than I wanted to.
78) I hate JarJar Binks (see #75).
79) I'm saying "I" too many times here, but I think that's a function of the exercise?
80) Sonoma Valley is one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen.
81) I love nice restaurants.
82) I have more of a problem being a woman in sole support of the family than I wish I had (I'm not right now, but was in the past for good reason).
83) I really want to be a stay at home Mom for the next 7 years.
84) I probably would go crazy being a stay at home Mom (see dichotomy with #83. Another big word, I'm on a roll!)
85) I had a crush on Michael Landon in Bonanza.
86) I killed Conway Twitty. Well, I went to see him the weekend before he died, and really didn't want to, so the joke (if there could be one, I'm sure he was a nice man) is that I killed him.
87) I'm cheap in ways I don't want to be and extravagant in ways I don't want to be.
88) I am eternally grateful my parents paid my way through college.
89) I like to proofread. (Just not on my blog.)
90) Las Vegas Rocks!
91) I won't lose more than $30 a night gambling.
92) I didn't see a Star Wars movie until I saw "The Empire Strikes Back" with my uncle and cousin. Then I liked it.
93) I hope Idaho beats Boise State Saturday. Sorry, I can't help it.
94) I went to see the Spice Girls willingly.
95) I still dance to "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go".
96) As big of a problem as I have with the Mormon Church, I have something of a really odd crush on Donny Osmond.
97) I like to ski.
98) I'm glad my aunt is hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year because I know it's a huge pain for her.
99) I can't believe a house build in the 1950's is as energy efficient as ours is.
100) I hope this didn't bore anyone who bothered to read it.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
You Know You're A Geek If....
You show up to the new "Star Trek" movie in costume, as an online poll found 10% of people were planning.
I'm just sayin'.
Live long and prosper.
I'm just sayin'.
Live long and prosper.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
A New MeMe
A new meme! I need to get Little Bit's prize winning run at the Pinewood Derby loaded but for now - here I am. Thanks Cele for the new meme!
A through Z--- get to know me!
A - Age: 42.5
B - Bed Size: Queen
C - Chore you hate: Folding laundry
D - Dog's name: AKC name - Tequila's Margarita, or Rita, or Pookums
E - Essential start your day item: Bath & Body Works Aromatherapy Energy Body Wash
F - Favorite color: Blue
G - Gold or Silver: Both
H - Height: 5'7"
I - Instruments you play(ed): Trumpet, Trombone - quit playing sophmore year of high school but I loved playing the trumpet. I refused to join marching band though when I switched schools. Nerdy uniforms.
J - Job title: Group Insurance Manager. Damn right it sounds boring.
K - Kid(s): Two
L - Living arrangements: Married, most of the time happily!
M - Mom's name: Mom! Well, Pam, if you want to be technical.
N - Nicknames: I think the only one that's stuck is Nae or Nae Nae. (My middle name is Renee. My cousin likes to torment me. That is all.)
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth (mine and the boys): None, thankfully.
P - Pet Peeve: Oh, have I got a list. But I'd have to say the biggest pet peeve I have is people who can't think outside the box. Oh, and Utah drivers.
Q - Quote from a movie: "My hate keeps me warm" - C. Thomas Howell, "Red Dawn".
R - Right or left handed: Left
S - Siblings: Just me!
T - Time you wake up: When do I wake up or when does the alarm go off? They are way different things.
U- Underwear: Victoria's Secret cotton panties. Must have.
V - Vegetable you dislike: Squash.
W - Ways you run late: My Husband. Literally, the man was probably born late.
X - X-rays you've had: Chest (pneumonia), Teeth
Y - Yummy food you make: Spaghetti, Seafood Pasta, Stuffed Bell Peppers, Meatloaf (yes, my meatloaf IS yummy).
Z - Zoo - Boise. We now have giraffes and lions!
A through Z--- get to know me!
A - Age: 42.5
B - Bed Size: Queen
C - Chore you hate: Folding laundry
D - Dog's name: AKC name - Tequila's Margarita, or Rita, or Pookums
E - Essential start your day item: Bath & Body Works Aromatherapy Energy Body Wash
F - Favorite color: Blue
G - Gold or Silver: Both
H - Height: 5'7"
I - Instruments you play(ed): Trumpet, Trombone - quit playing sophmore year of high school but I loved playing the trumpet. I refused to join marching band though when I switched schools. Nerdy uniforms.
J - Job title: Group Insurance Manager. Damn right it sounds boring.
K - Kid(s): Two
L - Living arrangements: Married, most of the time happily!
M - Mom's name: Mom! Well, Pam, if you want to be technical.
N - Nicknames: I think the only one that's stuck is Nae or Nae Nae. (My middle name is Renee. My cousin likes to torment me. That is all.)
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth (mine and the boys): None, thankfully.
P - Pet Peeve: Oh, have I got a list. But I'd have to say the biggest pet peeve I have is people who can't think outside the box. Oh, and Utah drivers.
Q - Quote from a movie: "My hate keeps me warm" - C. Thomas Howell, "Red Dawn".
R - Right or left handed: Left
S - Siblings: Just me!
T - Time you wake up: When do I wake up or when does the alarm go off? They are way different things.
U- Underwear: Victoria's Secret cotton panties. Must have.
V - Vegetable you dislike: Squash.
W - Ways you run late: My Husband. Literally, the man was probably born late.
X - X-rays you've had: Chest (pneumonia), Teeth
Y - Yummy food you make: Spaghetti, Seafood Pasta, Stuffed Bell Peppers, Meatloaf (yes, my meatloaf IS yummy).
Z - Zoo - Boise. We now have giraffes and lions!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Dilemma...or, I've done it to myself again
I started Facebooking a couple of weeks ago (as most of you know, since most of you are my family and you're about the only people who speak to me. Kidding.)
I've connected with Cele there as well as here, and family, some friends from the old Mothership as well as my beloved niece (well, The Husband's niece but I claim her too), who due to some rather undefined family strains (not between her and us) we haven't seen in a couple of years and have only talked to on the phone a couple of times.
And now, the dilemma. Someone's found me through Facebook. It's someone who at another time in my life I'd have be delighted to accept as a friend, if our situation and relationship was as I would imagine it would be. This person isn't family, in the sense that we're blood related and it isn't any of YOU, because you're reading this blog so I've had a relationship with you in some way or another (even if it's only via Internet). This person has made it clear we're certainly not friends, in a really passive aggressive way, for a lot of years now but due to circumstances we had to be in the same place at the same time for years but not lately.
It may open up my true opinion on some things to this person and then I might get TH in trouble with his family because I might reveal how he feels about certain things that he would share with this person if he felt so inclined. But he doesn't. And it's not my place to share it with anyone (other than I do vent to my sainted mother).
So, I guess I'm going to accept this person as a friend, be myself and see what happens. Maybe, ultimately, some fences will be mended. My opinions may creep out. If it does, I'm ready to stand by my right to have opinions. In this respect, I have nothing to be but myself.
If you're on Facebook with me and you figure out who I'm writing about, please keep it off that forum. The person in question obviously does not read my blog.
Rant over.
I've connected with Cele there as well as here, and family, some friends from the old Mothership as well as my beloved niece (well, The Husband's niece but I claim her too), who due to some rather undefined family strains (not between her and us) we haven't seen in a couple of years and have only talked to on the phone a couple of times.
And now, the dilemma. Someone's found me through Facebook. It's someone who at another time in my life I'd have be delighted to accept as a friend, if our situation and relationship was as I would imagine it would be. This person isn't family, in the sense that we're blood related and it isn't any of YOU, because you're reading this blog so I've had a relationship with you in some way or another (even if it's only via Internet). This person has made it clear we're certainly not friends, in a really passive aggressive way, for a lot of years now but due to circumstances we had to be in the same place at the same time for years but not lately.
It may open up my true opinion on some things to this person and then I might get TH in trouble with his family because I might reveal how he feels about certain things that he would share with this person if he felt so inclined. But he doesn't. And it's not my place to share it with anyone (other than I do vent to my sainted mother).
So, I guess I'm going to accept this person as a friend, be myself and see what happens. Maybe, ultimately, some fences will be mended. My opinions may creep out. If it does, I'm ready to stand by my right to have opinions. In this respect, I have nothing to be but myself.
If you're on Facebook with me and you figure out who I'm writing about, please keep it off that forum. The person in question obviously does not read my blog.
Rant over.
Monday, March 23, 2009
It's a Good Monday
It is a good Monday. I don't have to work. I should be doing something productive or fun. But I have a total lack of motivation.
I don't know if it's because I got a lot done over the weekend (which I did) or the fact that it's 30 degrees and cold as heck out, but I just want to sit with a book in a chair, read and do nothing.
That isn't an option, Little Bit is on Spring Break and so it would be rather mean to make him do nothing all day but watch TV or play XBox. Not that he would object, of course, but that really isn't what he should be doing.
Well, off to figure out something to do after lunch - I'll ignore that stack of library books that keeps calling my name from the comfy loveseat downstairs.
I don't know if it's because I got a lot done over the weekend (which I did) or the fact that it's 30 degrees and cold as heck out, but I just want to sit with a book in a chair, read and do nothing.
That isn't an option, Little Bit is on Spring Break and so it would be rather mean to make him do nothing all day but watch TV or play XBox. Not that he would object, of course, but that really isn't what he should be doing.
Well, off to figure out something to do after lunch - I'll ignore that stack of library books that keeps calling my name from the comfy loveseat downstairs.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Cousins
Update: Thanks to Yvette, I added an important element to this post!Cousins, I've got cousins...when both parents have lots of siblings or cousins who are just like siblings (in my dad's case, both), you get a lot of cousins. If you're an only child, this is a big boon as you still have instant playmates, maybe not always the moment you wake up in the morning, but often, and because you're family they have to tolerate you, just like a sibling. If you're lucky, they feel the same way about you when you all grow up, just like siblings.
So, since I've been thinking about cousins...
Cousin D had another little girl, so now Bryn and Arrow have a little sister. Yes, dogs can have little sisters. So there. Congrats to Cousin D, Kurt, Bryn and Arrow. I now have no pregnant cousins (of which I am aware). It's been a long time since I could say that!
Cousin Shawn has been working on our house and it's been fun to have him around, plus it's nice to have someone do work for you that you can trust implicitly, both with your stuff and that the work will be done well. Cousin D and Cousin Shawn were my flower girl and ring bearer at my first wedding, but I don't in any way hold them responsible for the drama and threats of incrimination that ultimately resulted from that disaster. For those, I hold my maid of honor responsible since she shoved me out the door when I turned to her and said "I've changed my mind, I don't want to do this."
Cousin Steve SAID he was working on a blog. I've still not seen any proof. Perhaps I'm in the doghouse. He never writes...he never calls...just like a typical little brother, I guess. Geez, even Kristi manages to blog a little with a two week old!
Oh, and I wouldn't mind seeing some updated photos of Mr. Thomas Wayne.
Okay, now that's off my chest, back to my regularly scheduled rants.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Amen
I found this song in Utah while listening to the Satellite channels on DirecTV. I won't tell you the genre it is, though you might guess from my post title. It is a perfectly inspirational song on all levels, and , I believe, does not hint at its genre since TH actually likes it. I am NEVER going back to OK*. Nor should you, my friends.
*by OK, I mean for "settling" instead of seizing what life can offer you and you it. Seize the day!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Merry Christmas
and Happy Holidays from us to you. Everyone be safe and happy, and we'll be back soon!
Monday, September 15, 2008
What To Do About My Blog Name?
Hm...it looks like I shall have to use a new nom de plume. Or, should I? Can I be "lostinutah" when really "happy in Idaho"?
Thoughts? Nominations for a new name?
I used to have license plates when I lived in Reno that said "SPUDPKR" for obvious reasons (see, T2ed, I do laugh at the jokes) - maybe that would work?
I welcome suggestions - please be nice though! :)
P.S. Going to see Dad tonight, hoping he will be out of the hospital tomorrow. Keep you posted.
Thoughts? Nominations for a new name?
I used to have license plates when I lived in Reno that said "SPUDPKR" for obvious reasons (see, T2ed, I do laugh at the jokes) - maybe that would work?
I welcome suggestions - please be nice though! :)
P.S. Going to see Dad tonight, hoping he will be out of the hospital tomorrow. Keep you posted.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
A Tale of Two Bits
Last week was a hectic week at work, followed by a hectic weekend. Big Bit got in Saturday from his dad's (he lived with us in Utah for 9th grade, but then (very long story) went back to Reno for 10th. He's trying to decide what to do for this next year - trying hard not to influence or stress him out on this, but still can't help anxiously awaiting his decision.
He is a straight A, straight arrow, good kid who despite the tension throughout the last 15 years of his childhood between his dad and I has turned out well. Mostly, I suspect, because we were able to avoid ranting about each other within his earshot (I would just scream in the bathroom after we got off the phone with my attorney about some atrocity) and co-parent. I have to say, that I am extremely relieved to be through most of the 18 years of putting up with the EHFH's crap. Big Bit's torn about how to make us both happy, as are the children of most divorced parents, instead of realizing by making himself happy he will (should) make us happy. As much as I tell him that's what I want for him I sense he's still looking out for me, somehow. Even if he wants to stay with his friends in Reno and that means not coming back, he's afraid he'll hurt me. And vice versa.
That feels familiar to me from my own life experience. I have a friend whose parents, like mine, divorced when we were adults and though it was the best thing for them and I intellectually get that, you still have these weird things you have to deal with. Like having THREE places to go at Christmas once you get married. Indeed, four if your spouse has divorced parents (mine does not). I hate to tell Big Bit these issues never totally pass, even if your parents get along, as mine do now.
I guess I'll let him live in his delusional state for now that when high school ends so does any of these issues. The one I thing I can sincerely assure him of is that he has no idea how bad things would be if his father and I had stayed married. I shudder to think.
I think pondering his future makes him tired. Or it might be his brother who has been on him like a terrier on a rabbit ever since he got here (Little Bit LOVES Big Bit, to distraction. Vice versa but you can't admit that when you're 16). Hard to say. But he's been pretty sleepy. At any rate, my pictures of his various napfests since arriving turned out a bit blurry, but I'll show him off anyway:
Little Bit started back to school Monday, he has the last three weeks with the perhaps world's worst 3rd grade teacher for any kid with ADHD (and this is not just my opinion, trust me). He was excited to see his friends, the Principal and the Counselor. Do you think he spends too much time in the office? Haha.
He is a smart, articulate, tempermental bundle of energy. He's very loving and loyal, and has good antannae for those who really care about him and those who are just putting in time with him. He does not suffer fools lightly, but will not hesitate to tell you he loves you and how wonderful you are if he knows the feeling goes both ways.
We've run into one of those non-fun things about living in a community that can happen when one is a minority the last few weeks. At Scouts two weeks ago, Little Bit told me he didn't want to go. I asked why - the answer "the kids call me names". Heart officially breaks. When I asked him why he just gave me The Look. As if I should know. I didn't press him.
He is a straight A, straight arrow, good kid who despite the tension throughout the last 15 years of his childhood between his dad and I has turned out well. Mostly, I suspect, because we were able to avoid ranting about each other within his earshot (I would just scream in the bathroom after we got off the phone with my attorney about some atrocity) and co-parent. I have to say, that I am extremely relieved to be through most of the 18 years of putting up with the EHFH's crap. Big Bit's torn about how to make us both happy, as are the children of most divorced parents, instead of realizing by making himself happy he will (should) make us happy. As much as I tell him that's what I want for him I sense he's still looking out for me, somehow. Even if he wants to stay with his friends in Reno and that means not coming back, he's afraid he'll hurt me. And vice versa.
That feels familiar to me from my own life experience. I have a friend whose parents, like mine, divorced when we were adults and though it was the best thing for them and I intellectually get that, you still have these weird things you have to deal with. Like having THREE places to go at Christmas once you get married. Indeed, four if your spouse has divorced parents (mine does not). I hate to tell Big Bit these issues never totally pass, even if your parents get along, as mine do now.
I guess I'll let him live in his delusional state for now that when high school ends so does any of these issues. The one I thing I can sincerely assure him of is that he has no idea how bad things would be if his father and I had stayed married. I shudder to think.
I think pondering his future makes him tired. Or it might be his brother who has been on him like a terrier on a rabbit ever since he got here (Little Bit LOVES Big Bit, to distraction. Vice versa but you can't admit that when you're 16). Hard to say. But he's been pretty sleepy. At any rate, my pictures of his various napfests since arriving turned out a bit blurry, but I'll show him off anyway:
Little Bit started back to school Monday, he has the last three weeks with the perhaps world's worst 3rd grade teacher for any kid with ADHD (and this is not just my opinion, trust me). He was excited to see his friends, the Principal and the Counselor. Do you think he spends too much time in the office? Haha.
He is a smart, articulate, tempermental bundle of energy. He's very loving and loyal, and has good antannae for those who really care about him and those who are just putting in time with him. He does not suffer fools lightly, but will not hesitate to tell you he loves you and how wonderful you are if he knows the feeling goes both ways.
We've run into one of those non-fun things about living in a community that can happen when one is a minority the last few weeks. At Scouts two weeks ago, Little Bit told me he didn't want to go. I asked why - the answer "the kids call me names". Heart officially breaks. When I asked him why he just gave me The Look. As if I should know. I didn't press him.
Then last week we went on a field trip with the den. I offered to drive some of the kids, and the offer was happily accepted. We have found, that for all of the families forever stuff, The Husband and I are the only parents that consistently show up at Scouts with our child and participate with him. I have a close friend in Seattle whose son is a year behind Little Bit in Cubs and she says it's always very much 1:1 (parent to child) at their den meetings. Not so much here. Little Bit's had three different Scoutmasters in a year and it's been that way every time. This may, or may not, be just the Law of the Pack at the ward we go to for meetings.
As we got ready to leave on the field trip, ALL of the other Scouts piled into the Scoutmasters' Suburban. And there weren't enough seats for all of them. And I swear that if I hadn't kind of coughed they would have driven off that way. Upon hearing my coughing, the husband of the team urged one of the boys into our rig. It was a pretty uncomfortable trip.
At the end of the trip, another parent had shown up to participate in the activity, so it was "thank you very much but we have enough seats to get everyone home". Mr. Scoutmaster, who seems more open to us, really made an effort to be friendly (and apologetic?) - Mrs. Scoutmaster, who seems to think I have five heads most of the time, really didn't look at me much.
I try to encourage my children to embrace everyone. I have my areas of discomfort, I admit, but I'm working on them and I won't show those to my kids if I can help it.
How can you not want to sit in a car with this child? I know I'm prejudiced towards him, mind you.
This all brings back memories of being in 6th grade in a very small town in Southern Idaho (100 plus) where I was the minority for the same reason and after moving to said small town mid-year suffered through a few months so friendless I ran back to my old school for junior high, even though it meant I had to live with my maternal grandmother during the week and I really missed my parents - because there at least I wasn't a pariah. So I know I'm sensitive. But this was pretty obvious.
This goes both ways, mind you. I'm not claiming that those not of the faith whoever they may be are pure in this respect, including me and I try to work on that.My problem is I fear it may just get worse. And those of you who have someone (a child, a spouse, whatever, but a child is the most deep feeling in my experience) get disparaged you know the "mama" or "papa bear" syndrome that kicks in when this happens.
I also know we have our neighbors who are of the faith, who invited us over at 9 pm Sunday night for brownies and brought us homemade jam (on Sunday during the day no less!) and encourage Big Bit's friendship with their daughter - could care less what religion we do or don't practice. There's also the nice lady who just moved out this way who I gave a ride to church this weekend.
Having lived here all her life, she says from her perspective things are SO much better than they used to be for us not-Mo's.
I just wonder and worry if I'm doing right by both my boys on all fronts, like anyone can live up to being the perfect parent. I guess my job is to worry, but maybe I need to not worry so much and try to ignore the ignorance, if we encounter it. Maybe by just being here in our semi-small town and being the minority we're doing some good? We know the good is here, how do we embrace it? How do we confront the bad, when touched by it?
Maybe I'm way too sensitive? Maybe the writing really is on the wall and those who would say "if you don't like it, move" are right?
I'm open for comments or criticisms. From everyone. I mean it. I think I need some perspective. From all kinds of points of view.
Monday, June 9, 2008
New Masthead
Hey, check out the new masthead - taken by yours truly and somehow cropped and blown up to look, as Big Bit said "professional". I say this modestly because he sounded amazed that I could do this. While I don't think it's professional looking I like it because it sums up how I feel some days - stuck in a snow bound mountain permanently.
Other days are quite different of course!
Been working on a lengthy post that I need to review tomorrow to decide if I'm a) whining, b) asking for advice or c) need to abandon because I need to start realizing I'm an adult and deal with the reality of the world.
So, check back tomorrow to see if it's a serious post or a picture of the cats from icanhascheezburger.com. Who knows which lostinutah will win?
Other days are quite different of course!
Been working on a lengthy post that I need to review tomorrow to decide if I'm a) whining, b) asking for advice or c) need to abandon because I need to start realizing I'm an adult and deal with the reality of the world.
So, check back tomorrow to see if it's a serious post or a picture of the cats from icanhascheezburger.com. Who knows which lostinutah will win?
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