Kicks

It's been a long couple of weeks, dear readers. TH is doing well with his face, he can smile and everything, but his "job" has proven to be somewhat rocky (not in the sense of having one, but in the clarity of what having one means) as has mine. Anyone who lives in the greater Boise area may have heard my illustrious employer is moving their divisional headquarters (um, where I work) to Denver.

No, I'm not moving to Denver. I like Denver, lots, but I came home to be home. No, I don't know that this means I have to move to Denver. Or would need to in order to keep my job.

But, I will say, any stupid guy from Australia who happens to be a CEO with a location in Boise who doesn't LIKE Boise, thus feeling the need to change things doesn't have his head on straight.

That's all I'm saying, other than I really don't think things are as drastic as the local media painted them and I knew coming in that the worst could happen, but I wanted to come home. I do not want to be Dooced. So if you want to ask where I work, ask via e-mail.

So, because I needed some stability today, I found this video. Paul Revere and the Raiders have been an essential part of my life. My parents went to see them at the Armory in Twin Falls when they were dating. I was lucky enough to dance at Mr. Revere's club he had in Reno when EHFH and I were married and see him play, but got to meet him later when he played in the casino town in which my Mother was the Postmaster.

I relate the following simply because I'm sure he wanted to kill me. I paraphrase, but only a little.

Paul Revere (PR): Hey, how are you?

Me: Fine, it's very nice to meet you.

PR: Are you from around here? (or it may have been, how does a whippersnapper like you know who I am?)

Me: Yes. I grew up in Twin Falls. My parents used to go dance to your music when they were dating!

PR: Wow. Thanks.

(Me: Didn't get I just made him feel 100 years old. I got it later, um a few hours later, and I wanted to kick myself, because he really is a nice guy).

I now present to you two of the hottest guys who made it out of the state of Idaho - Mark Lindsay and Paul Revere. And these other guys that I think are from Idaho but I can't be firmly sure on that.

And yes, this all reminds me of "That Thing You Do". I think Mark is the guy who they say "sorry girls, he's engaged!" He just has that look about him, doesn't he?

Talk Thursday - My My Time Flies

I have been a horrible Talk Thursday participant - sorry Cele! But I will try to be better.

I haven't posted - after the documented upheaval I really just decompressed. New Year's Eve we were supposed to go to either friend Dana's or friend Rhonda's, but it started to snow around 5 p.m. and mix in slick roads, the intent to have a few drinks and the fact that it's "amateur night" so I really hate to go out in crowds anymore...we stayed home.

It was our 15th wedding anniversary...time does fly. I don't know why this one hit home more to me than number 14...but it really did. I've spent 1/3 of my life married to TH, far more than I was with EHFH. And, I still like him. (Yes, there are days but that's how it works).

It seems yesterday I was a somewhat wounded 27 year old, pretty sure that marriage wasn't for me, my son was going to be an only child because his first two years had been the hardest of my life (and I was starting to wonder how anyone's marriage withstood having children, even a planned one as Big Bit was) and my intent from then on was to date different guys, have lots of friends and an active social life and, in short, live a very different life than that I had to that point. The sole exception to this (other than the rest of my family) was Big Bit. He I really had committed to for life and that wasn't going anywhere, not that I wanted it to.

So, there I was, 1994, first week in Boise, had a boyfriend I was dating prior to moving (no, I didn't move here for him, which could be a book in itself) and through him a roommate who turned out to be complicated but for the time being was a lot of fun to hang out with, made the lots of friends. On this night I was on the town with my cousin, and who did I meet but...yep. TH.

I had been divorced, I think, a little over a month. Yeah, I know. I really do know and I know what I would have said to someone who was in the same situation. "You idiot!"

It didn't start off like that. I didn't hear from him for well over a week and a half. And in fact when he called I didn't know who he was. *Cough* No, it's not that bad but I have a short memory.

Suffice it to say six months, a whole lotta drama later, more than one meeting with Big Bit and lots of discussion and soul searching on both our parts, we got married. 12/31/94. And I will never, never be sorry we did. Not only do I still love him, but I have my second Bit. And I treasure him beyond measure, as I do with the first.

And while I do have friends and something of a social life, it's not anything like I envisioned when I moved to Boise. And that is just fine with me.

I love you TH. Time does fly.

Really, I Have An Excuse

I have been a bad blogger, a bad friend, a bad everything you can name in the last 11 days. But, I really had a reason.

Sorry everyone, you're right, I didn't send out Christmas cards or you would have gotten one. Thanks to the friends (Cele), family (Cousin D - those girls are so stinking cute - and Aunt A, and Aunt N for the pretty centerpiece) and others who sent cards to us. I may do a "Happy New Year" card mailing, or it may just wait until next year.

I almost always send my cards last minute - the only exception being the year I was pregnant with Little Bit, and since he was due Christmas Day I had them done and out at Thanksgiving - that nesting thing was kicking in so I got a lot done early.

A series of things conspired this year to make me later than usual - and then real life stepped in with a bang.

First, a co-worker of mine lost her daughter four days shy of her fifth birthday - the week before Christmas. A freak thing, that no one could have predicted or expected.

While I don't know her extremely well, she is a lovely person and because of that, and because I can't imagine the pain of losing a child, it kind of threw me for a loop. It threw all of us at work for a loop, to be honest. They buried Audrey on her birthday. It just makes me sick thinking about it.

A couple of days before that, a girl I went to high school with, Kristin, died in a horrific car accident, and with her, her older sister. Again, I didn't know Kristin well, she was a year ahead of me in school and very quiet, but she was nice and we rode the bus together for years, so you kind of have a bond because riding around with Mrs. Fleenor was enough to bond anyone - it was kind of a like a POW camp. I'm sort of kidding. My Mom and Dad knew Kristen's parents and I knew her Mom - she was a lovely lady.

The reason they were driving to Twin Falls from Boise was to be with their Mom, because their Dad had just died. That day. In one swoop, this woman lost her entire family. She buried them the same day my co-worker buried her daughter.

So, I was a little distracted by all of this, more so than I probably should have been, but on Little Bit's birthday, December 21st (also known as Kristi's wedding anniversary), I was going to do the cards and get them out.

First, though, we were going to meet up with my friend Dana and her children, one of whom is just seven months older than LB, at Boondocks, or Wahooz or whatever they're calling it now, for video games, laser tag, mini golf and all that jazz. Big Bit was up for the first days of his Christmas break, so he was along for the ride.

The Husband had been complaining that his eye was watering the night before, and he kept complaining about it during the morning. He also made the comment to Big Bit (who had just gotten home from the dentist) that he felt like he'd had a shot of Novocain in his mouth. That was a little weird, so I suggested he get in to see his doctor. However, said doctor was fully booked and we were a little rudely told to go to an Urgent Care. TH wasn't in any pain or anything and felt fine, so we went to lunch first, then I was going to drop him at the Urgent Care close to where we were meeting Dana and go back to get him.

While we were driving after lunch, however, he suddenly said that we should drop the boys off and then go to the Urgent Care. He was a little snippy about it and frankly, I was a little annoyed. We got there, I paid for the boys' activities, said hi to Dana and that we'd be right back.

When I got back in the car, and asked him why I needed to go in with him, he said, "I think this is serious and I need you there." He hadn't said that before, so now I got scared. We went the three minutes to the Urgent Care, who got him right in - then took his blood pressure, looked at his face, which suddenly was kind of still on one side, and told me to get him to the Emergency Room, another five minutes away.

We got him out to the car, I made him lie down in the seat, and then I drove like a bat out of hell to the ER, while calling Dana to give her an update and to my Mom that I needed her to pick the boys up. Luckily, the hospital is a brand new one and not a lot of people realize it's there, so we got right in. All I could keep thinking were two things - a) I'm really not ready to be in the middle of a tragedy at the holidays(who is?) and b) It was Little Bit's 11th birthday and nothing could happen to TH on his birthday. It just couldn't.

As it turned out, we had a great ER doctor, who looked at TH right away and proclaimed he had Bell's Palsy. It's a condition that affects one side of your face, making you not able to move your muscles from your forhead to your chin, it's usually caused by a virus, similar to shingles and chicken pox, and it USUALLY goes away within a few weeks. No stroke, no heart attack (though I damned near had one during all this as you might imagine). Just a virus, and an inability to blink his left eye or smile on both sides of his mouth. Which is a bigger pain in the butt than you might think, but obviously better than the alternatives. He got some steroids and antivirals and an eyepatch. Arrr!

So, the rest of that day was a blur, then it was getting Big Bit on a plane back to Reno, back to work for me for a couple of days and then it was Christmas! At our house! With the stepmonster in law! Yay (/sarcasm)! (Actually, she was fairly low key, the gifts were only semi last minute, with no forethought whatsoever, and we had a good visit with TH's sister, brother in law and nephew). We got to see Cousin Steve before he jetted back to Seattle, too, so all in all it turned out well. And when I went to church Christmas Eve, you can bet I said "Thank You" to the guy(s) upstairs.

But I've had a lot to think about, and it wasn't Christmas cards. I hope you all had a fabulous Christmas and that your New Year's is great too. I'm hoping mine is drama free. It's my fifteenth wedding anniversary and I would like to enjoy it.

Cheers!

Role Models

I was out posting on a Packers blog last night (http://www.packergeeks.com/) in case you are interested - and over the last day I have had an exchange with a guy named Phil Hanrahan. Phil is a Wisconsin native who wrote a book called "Life After Favre". Phil seems to be a really nice guy and a good writer - we've chatted a bit at Cheeseheadtv.com (no, it's not an internet stalker thing, we briefly discussed my old flame Fuzzy Thurston). I highly recommend his book - not just because you might be a Packers fan (and yes you should be, Steven) but because it's an interesting portrait of a town and its kindred spirits (like me) that kind of lost its center a little over a year ago, and how they began to recover that center.

Should a sports team, or a first round Hall of Fame quarterback be your center? Perhaps not. And maybe I'm exaggerating a bit. But the town of Green Bay seemed a bit hollow after last summer. So did I, in a way, sadly enough - and that brought me to the next thought.

Sir Charles Barkley once famously said that athletes "shouldn't be role models". Bullshit. Yes, I said it. I agree that pastors, firefighters, policemen, honest politicians, teachers, parents and so on should be role models as well. But here's the thing - athletes get paid for doing what they love to do for a living - and often quite handsomely. Is it a bad thing to show kids that you really can do what you love for a living, even if that things is "playing"? (I don't think it installs in these kids that "I too can be Sir Charles Barkley - at least in most kids). Do you think that if you asked most firemen if they'd rather be the starting quarterback for (insert favorite team) instead of what they're doing that they'd say no? I really, honestly think not.

Kids figure out that parents, teachers etc. are not perfect WAY before they figure it out about the athletes they admire (if any, of course). It isn't right they should believe that an athlete is right about anything, or perfect by any means, but the longer they look up to that example - a good one - the more they can be inspired to do what they love and to do good things for others. A lot of these guys have charitable foundations and endeavors that are quite worthy.

That's why Judas showing his colors bothered me so much. It wasn't that I thought he was perfect - far from it. Child out of wedlock, Vicodin and alcohol addiction, you name it, he's probably done it - and been caught at it. And, seemingly, had taken responsibility for it and grown as a person, as one does in these situations if handled in the best way possible. It's that he displayed, in a very public way, what he thought of the people he professed to love, those who supported him through his very public trials and humiliations with true forgiveness and not just because he was a "winner". Packer Nation loved him also because of the personality he displayed, the joy of playing and the joy of sharing those moments with fans. Professional athletes, people are watching you.

So if you are in a position where you get to do what you love to do, and get paid handsomely for it, you are a role model (this goes for actors too, but more so sports figures). It doesn't mean you have to be perfect. It means you should be honest, you should never be Tiger Woods (that many mistakes, anyone can screw up in life, but really on this one sheesh), and you should accept that you have a responsibility to the kids of this country.

Whether you want it or not.


'Nuff said.

Talk Thursday - Appreciate, Communicate, Validate

Wow, I am going to be an epic fail when it gets to be my turn to suggest the Talk Thursday topic. You guys are all too good!

I'm passing on the Sex and Tattoos one. My mom reads my blog. No, Mom, I don't have a tattoo.

I appreciated this topic - see, I'm already on task! I think the reason I did is because I've recently realized that one of the people in my life I need to do all three things with - is - myself.

Now hear me out, because I know that sounds self-centered. But all my life, I've had high expectations for myself. Others had those same expectations. I was supposed to "be a contender".

Note: I've always been harder on myself than anyone else can be. If you're going to yell at me or criticize me, I've already done it 100 times harder in my head. So you might want to skip doing it. This makes me have a hard time appreciating what abilities I possess, or how good my life really is.

For a long time, I felt like I wasn't living up to my potential. My grades in college were adequate, at best. I worked for a bank and felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. My marriage was...well, it was what it was.

Over the last 15 years, I've kind of come full circle. I found an employer I LOVED, then had to leave it when it changed ideals, and not for the better. As a workforce we were inspired to do well because it was all for one and one for all. Our CEO was the BEST EVER (we really thought that, and maybe it was true at one time).

Now I am in a "job", as I've mentioned before. I didn't realize how much I used my career to validate myself, but over the last year it's become very apparent. Until around 12 years ago, that was never the case. I was always in a "job". I'm just not used to that. I am learning to validate myself more in other ways, as a person, a friend, a Mom and a wife. I always did that to a certain extent but my perspective has shifted. And that is a good thing.

And, a little out of order, but I have to better communicate with myself. Communicate with myself? Sounds odd. But, my inner voice doesn't always encourage me like it should. Fairly common problem, but I keep hearing this "as you get older you get more self-confident or at least more accepting of your faults". Whatever. I'm working on it.

Because if I can get better at all of these things for myself, I'm just going to be that much better at it for all of the people I care about.

It's Bear Week

So, we all know what THAT means. No Steve, I wasn't baiting you with #21 on my meme.

THIS is baiting you. Good luck Sunday!

And Now This Message

I'll try and knock out the Talk Thursday I have drafted, but since it's been a while since I posted, in case you thought I was missing in action, I stole Cele's meme.

1. What is your occupation right now? Group Insurance Manager. Yes, it's as fascinating as it sounds, some days.

2. What color are your socks right now? White. I'm boring.

3. What are you listening to right now? Nothing, though I listened to Chris Brown on YouTube a few minutes ago. I KNOW. But "Crawl" is actually a good song, the first of his I've heard that I liked. Anxious to hear if Big Bit likes it too.

4. What was the last thing you ate? Nalley's Jalapeno Chili. It's sodium death in a bowl and I'm watching my blood pressure but it's spicy - and good - and I try to limit my exposure.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? I wish everything was a stick shift, unless I'm in San Francisco on Lombard. We had a Corvette (used) at one point that was an automatic. It was kind of anticlimactic if you know what I mean. I taught Big Bit to drive our stick shift over Thanksgiving. It was pretty funny and brought back memories of me at 14.

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My Mom.

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Cele thought I was too busy to do this - and since I haven't posted for two weeks she might be right - but I like her very much.

8. How old are you today? 43 years, 1 month and 7 days. But I feel 16 most days. Mentally, not physically.

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Green Bay Packer Football

10. What is your favorite drink? Ravenswood San Giacomo Chardonnay. To die for.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? I did for the last 12 years, but quit this summer. Oddly, my hair has red highlights in it now (the color it was dyed) which seems to be permanent. It really has to be all grown out and my hair is used to be mousy brown.

12. Favorite food? It depends on the day. Kind of all over the place, but I'd say either Basque (as eaten at Epi's or Gernika) or Chinese (as eaten in London or sometimes at PF Chang's.)

13. What is the last movie you watched? I stayed up until 2:30 a.m. this morning because Four Weddings and a Funeral was on. Which is sad, because I own it. But nothing beats Hugh Grant cuteness 15 years ago.

14. Favorite day of the year? Somewhat tied between Halloween and Christmas, for a variety of reasons.

15. How do you vent anger? Drink. Just kidding. Sort of. Complain a lot, I guess.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? My pony. Yes, it was a real pony.

17. What is your favorite season? Summer. I'm not as much of a lizard as I used to be but I still sure like it.

18. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries when it's pie, blueberries when it's yogurt.

19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Always. But, if your e-mail is overtly political, it probably isn't the same as mine, so don't bother because I wouldn't do that to you, and I don't respond to chain e-mails or forward them so just be forewarned.

20. Who is the most likely to respond? Probably no one. I think most of the people who would have already did it.

21. Who is least likely to respond? See above. Or Cousin Steve.

22. Living arrangements? With husband and small son in Leave It To Beaver house (seriously, it was built in 1956).

23. When was the last time you cried? Last night, long story.

24. What is on the floor of your closet? shoes and carpet

25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to? Not tagging anyone. I don't mind if people tag me, but I don't often tag others.

26. What did you do last night? Stayed up until 2 a.m. watching movies. Urgh. I am tired today.

27. What are you most afraid of? Death. Christians aren't supposed to be, but I am and there you are.

28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? TH's cheeseburgers with PepperJack cheese and roasted jalapenos on them are yummy indeed.

29. What is your favorite kind of dog? Beagle. Though I love our 11 year old Lab, since she is no longer a puppy.

30. What is your favorite day of the week? Saturday.

31. How many states have you lived in? 3 - Nevada (17 years total), Utah (3 of the longest years of my life), Idaho - (23 years total).

32. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds.

33. What is your favorite flower? Iris or maybe Lilacs

34. What are your favorite two movies of all time? Love, Actually and Four Weddings and a Funeral (although I really have four, Pride and Prejudice (with Colin Firth) and Sense and Sensibility (yes, there is a Hugh Grant theme to this list).