I'm feeling kind of melancholy. I think it was brought on by going to this college for a campus visit with Big Bit yesterday. He seemed to like it, and the fact we were there on a campus visit was probably enough to inspire melancholy.
I went to this fine institution my first semester of college, but I was socially inept at 16 (I know, I know, I was 16, what did I expect?) and when the first set of friends I made didn't work out, I didn't know how to go make new ones. They were a close knit bunch, it's a very small college and I hadn't met enough people in classes to make new friends easily, plus I lived off campus so I didn't know as many people as I might have otherwise. I left at semester and headed back to my hometown and to the junior college there, where I ended up meeting the EHFH and...there you go.
So it was weird to be strolling around that campus yesterday for the first time in, oh, about 25 years (have I mentioned lately that I'm old?) and remembering how excited I was to be there and how stupid I was to leave. How the last time I remember walking into that cafeteria was to tell a guy I'd gone to junior high with that his good friend (my cousin, who Big Bit is named for) had died the previous night. Some of the buildings looked much different. Unfortunately that one didn't look different enough. I could still see him sitting there and the look on his face when I told him the news as I surveyed that room.
Life goes how it goes, and as Frank Sinatra says "I did it My Way" so I don't have a lot to complain about - I was a smart kid who made some dumb choices along the way, no one made them for me. Sometimes I forget to give myself credit for overcoming those bad decisions to live in a house I like, in a town I love, with a husband and two sons who love me, even if I could be or have been a better wife and mother along the way.
Okay, enough heavy thoughts. I don't get like this often, thankfully. For you, dear readers, as well as myself.
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11 comments:
It's always good to go back to the alma mater and look at the new building your tuition paid for.
And the crummy old ones you took all your classes in.
t2ed - Yeah, when I go to Reno, I see exactly that, or rather, where all my parents' money went. Thankfully, they bought. It's amazing the number of new buildings that are there now. This campus looked some different, but not much. Small liberal arts colleges don't have as much money to throw around.
Thank you for sharing, Cous. I knew some of that story (because you or my mom had mentioned those parts to me), but it was interesting to hear all of that put together with some things I didn't know. I hope that it wasn't too painful to have seen it all again.
Love,
Cousin Steve
Hey Steve - it wasn't too bad other than I had to kick myself for a good 1/2 day. But the fun thing was seeing how much Big Bit enjoyed it and was interested in going - just as I was. I think he'd handle the transition better than I did.
Think of it this way, where you have been is who you are. If you'd not left that first semester, gone back home to CC, who would you be today? Would the people around you be the same ones if you'd turned right instead of left? Think about it.
Cele - true, and that's where I kind of ended up. I usually don't wallow in regret, but this was a really odd experience.
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